


Second Chances

by mickeylovesian



Category: Shameless (US), gallavich - Fandom
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:43:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeylovesian/pseuds/mickeylovesian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years have gone by since 3x12.  Mickey has left Chicago and actually done pretty well for himself. It might be a bit OOC at points</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May

There was a loud bang from outside the window and Mickey shot up in the dark. Someone’s been shot, was the first thing he thought, but after remembering where he was he settled on a car backfiring. Not that shootings weren’t common in this neighborhood, but they usually occurred in the late night early morning hours. He looked at his clock: 8:56 pm. He still had four minutes until his alarm went off. He could hear the sounds of FIFA and laughter coming from the living room. 

When his alarm went off he got out of bed, put on a pair of somewhat clean pants and his work shirt, which read: The Golden Rail Ale House. On the back it said, Our Beers Change Weekly, not Weakly. For some reason he loved the slogan, and took every opportunity to point that out to his boss. He opened his door, blinking at the bright lights of the hallway and walked towards the living room. 

There were six people sitting on the two couches. He wondered how he could have slept through all the noise they were making; then again, he had always been a deep sleeper. 

“Sorry man, did we wake you?” his roommate AJ asked when he noticed Mickey standing behind the couch. He looked around at the people, most of whom he knew. There was AJ’s little sister Allie, his older sister Justine, her boyfriend Paul, and their friend Moose. He didn’t know the other two girls, one of whom was sitting next to Allie, smoking a cigarette, and the other looking somewhat uncomfortable squeezed in between Justine and AJ. 

“Nah, gotta get ready for work,” Mickey said, taking the pack of cigarettes off the table and lighting one. He didn’t know who’s they were, but it was his apartment, which in his eyes meant that anything brought in could be used by him. 

“Hey Mickey,” Allie said with a smile. She was three years younger than him and constantly flirting. She had never tried to act on this flirtation, which was good for two reasons; first, she reminded him too much of Mandy, and second, he was sure that AJ would punch him in the face for hurting his sister once he rejected her. “This is my friend Rebecca. She’s home from college.”

“Hey,” he said. He looked at the other girl, who was casually sipping a beer. “I’m Mickey.”

“Fuck, sorry. Mick this is Gina, Gina, my roommate Mickey,” AJ introduced them. The girl smiled and said hi softly and Mickey instantly felt bad for her. AJ was constantly bringing home new girls and in the time it took Mickey to remember their names he was usually on to the next one. “What time you going in?”

“Eleven,” Mickey responded. 

“Is Henry working?” Allie asked, taking a sip of her beer. Henry was another bartender and was a lot stricter with serving underage. 

“I don’t think so.”

“Good, cause we were going to go and get a drink and I don’t want to have to have my boobs hanging out just to get a beer,” Allie said. She was nineteen, and Mickey knew for a fact had been hanging out at the bar with her older siblings since she was about sixteen. Just like home, he thought. 

He pulled up the chair they kept in the corner for when there was no room left on the couches and watched a Paul and AJ play FIFA until it was time for him to go to work. As he sat there he thought about how his life had turned out so different then he had expected. 

**  
He had left the Southside four and a half years ago and hadn’t been back since. One morning after he had been woken up yet again by Svetlana coming home at 3:30 am, he had finally had enough. He was done with the lie he had been living; done with the sham of a marriage, the baby she was carrying that wasn’t even his, and living under his father’s roof. Most of all he was sick and tired of walking the streets, haunted by his mistakes. 

He packed a bag with a few clothes, some drugs and the $7,000 he had managed to save, left his cell phone behind, bought a bus ticket and found himself in New York City. He called Mandy from a payphone to tell her he was gone and that he would keep in touch. He left no way of communication. He didn’t know what he was searching for in his escape, he just knew he had to get as far away from Chicago as he could before he went crazy. 

For five months he stayed in the city; working odd jobs, moving from crappy hotel to cheaper hotel, and watching his savings dwindle. Then, early one morning in May, he stopped along the Hudson River. It was dirty and disgusting, just like New York had turned out to be. He needed something more. In a spur of the moment decision he caught a cab to Grand Central, picked a random town and took the train north. 

A cab, a train and a ferry had brought him to Newburgh, the small city an hour outside of Manhattan and he hadn’t looked back since. Within a week he had a job, bought a shitty car and found an even shittier apartment in an area called the Heights. Besides the beautiful views of the Hudson, it wasn’t that different than the Southside. His car got broken into within his first week of living there; they stole his radio, but Mickey was more pissed about the broken window, since the radio didn’t work. Drug deals happened on porches and in running cars, police presence was minimal, and there were times when he could hear gun shots in the night. It gave him a sense of peace to have found a place so much like home, without the horrible memories. 

After a month of living there he met AJ Rossi. He had been bartending at the Rail, which reminded him of the Alibi, when AJ and his sisters had come in for a drink. They were regulars there, although he had yet to be properly introduced. The Sox were beating the Yankees and AJ was complaining about it. They got to talking and discovered that the Rossi’s actually lived a block down from him, where the houses got nicer and the people less trashy. 

They had a lot in common, coming from poor neighborhoods, big families (AJ was the only boy with three older sisters and one younger), and shaky educational backgrounds. AJ had dropped out of school in his senior year and worked for his father’s construction company. AJ was a talker and soon Mickey knew his entire life story. Usually this would have annoyed him, but for reasons he couldn’t explain he found it nice to get to know a complete stranger. Mickey offered little up about himself besides the fact that he was from Chicago, he had four brothers and two sisters, and he had just needed to get away. Despite this, for the first time in his life Mickey made a real friend and it wasn’t long before they decided to become roommates, at a nicer apartment ten minutes outside of the Heights. 

AJ introduced him to his family, and for the first time Mickey finally understood the love of a family, willing to accept and love you no matter what. He had glimpsed that in Chicago, although he had been unwilling to accept it. Now, however, far away from his father, he allowed himself to let his guard down and open up a bit. It was Mr. Rossi who gave him a second job and Mrs. Rossi who was finally able to break through completely and convince him that he might be worth something. He began to realize that he didn’t have to resign himself to a life of drug dealing and stints in jail. 

One night at their weekly family dinner, which Mickey found himself looking forward to more than he cared to admit, Mrs. Rossi once again got on AJ’s case about getting his GED. She turned to Mickey and said, “You’re going to get your GED too.” 

So he did. It took him six months of classes at the Adult Learning Center, which Mrs. Rossi paid for, a lot of bitching, and two tries, but he finally got his GED. He had called Mandy after he got his test scores to tell her. He called her every few weeks, and kept her updated on what was happening. She in turn told him about life on the Southside. He welcomed updates about her life, his brothers, and even occasionally his father. It was through her that he learned that Svetlana had stayed at their house before giving birth to a black baby, which caused Terry to kick her out. They kept the conversations short, and were careful not to mention the one thing they both wanted to talk about the most.  
After getting his GED, Mrs. Rossi talked him into getting some sort of vocational training. While he had been happy enough with his GED, something he had always considered impossible, she planted new thoughts about actually having a steady job. So he did. He used his savings to pay for classes to become a certified HVAC technician. 

That had been two years earlier, and he had been able to keep his job for all that time. He still worked weekends at The Rail, to be able to send some money to Mandy and because he enjoyed it. As he pulled into the gravel parking lot, he could see that the bar was packed. People were milling around outside, smoking cigarettes, and he saw a few people in cars sneaking bowls. He said hi to the people he knew and made his way to the bar. 

He had been working for about two hours when he heard someone say, “Hey Mick.” He looked up to see Adam Henson standing at the bar. 

“Hey man, didn’t know you were home,” Mickey said pouring him a beer.

“Yeah, I graduated last week. Got a job at a PR firm in the city,” Adam said, taking the beer and laying a twenty on the bar. Adam always talked too much for Mickey’s liking. 

“Congrats man, this one’s on me,” he said. Adam smiled at him.

“I’m home for the next week if you want to catch up,” Adam said. Mickey nodded and watched as Adam sank into the crowd. 

 

He had met Adam four years before down on the waterfront. He was tall and strong, having played football all through high school. He couldn’t remember how things had started, except that they had been drunk and Adam reminded him a little bit too much of a ghost. For Mickey it had been the perfect relationship, in that it wasn’t real. They would hook up whenever he was home from school and then go back to not speaking for months at a time. He didn’t want or expect anything from Mickey other than sex, which is exactly what he needed. 

There had been a few other guys, but not many. Even if he four years and an entire time zone away from Chicago and the Southside, he still didn’t need people knowing his business. Not even AJ knew which led him to constantly try and hook Mickey up with his girl’s friends. He never questioned why Mickey turned them down, which he appreciated. 

He got home around 3:30 in the morning, made his way up the two flights of stairs to the apartment and opened the door to find Allie and Rebecca asleep on the couches. He stole a few cigarettes from the pack in front of Allie and went to his room. He lit one as he sat on his bed and took off his boots. His life was certainly different than he had expected. If you had asked him that last winter in Chicago where he saw himself in four years he probably would have said in jail or dead. But here he was, 22, alive and happier than he had been his entire life. 

That’s not true, he thought. There was a time when he could remember being happier than this, but it had been fleeting and it had fallen apart. He had left Chicago searching for an escape from his life and he had found it. At the same time, however, he knew there was something missing; a part of him hadn’t been whole in four and a half years. He didn’t feel as empty during the day, when he was constantly busy working or in the company of friends. 

Yet every night, right before sleep overcame him, the vacant feeling came creeping in. Lying in the dark, the only light coming from the street light outside that peeked through the spaces in the blinds, he thought of home. Not home in the sense of his family, the house he grew up in, or even the streets he terrorized for years, but of red hair, long freckled arms, a deep laugh and the weight of a body lying next to him.


	2. Mandy's Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June

“Come on, let’s go. Gina is going to be pissed if I make her wait.”

“Stop being such a fag,” Mickey said, throwing on a shirt. It was a Friday night and AJ and him were leaving to go meet AJ’s girlfriend Gina and a few of her friends at a bar on the river. “All right, I’m ready.”

They made their way down the stairs and headed to Mickey’s car. His phone rang just as he was getting in. Mandy.

“Hey bitch.”

“Assface,” she said, finishing their normal greeting. “You busy?”

“Heading out, why what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just wondering if maybe I could come stay with you for a week or two. Dad is spiraling into a bender,” Mandy said. Mickey could hear his father ranting in the background. He hadn’t actually seen his sister since he left and knew it must be bad if she needed to get out of the city.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he said, without questioning why she couldn’t stay at one of their other brother’s. They made plans for her to get the bus the next night and he hung up.  
“My sister is coming to stay for a bit,” he told AJ getting off the phone. 

“I always forget you have a family man,” AJ said, lighting a bowl. “You never talk about them.”

“Not much to say,” Mickey said, lighting a cigarette and starting the car. 

 

Mickey had suffered two hours of Gina and her annoying friends, most of whom seemed too scared to actually look him in the eye. “It’s the tattoos” AJ always told him. Mickey looked at his knuckles Fuck U-Up. He had been fifteen when he had gotten them done and it had seemed like a good idea at the time; eight years later, not so much. 

He was about to make an excuse to leave when he saw Adam across the deck. He never had called him to catch up and it had been a few weeks since he had seen him. At that exact moment Adam looked up and caught his eye. He chugged his beer and made his way through the crowd. Usually he waited for Adam to come to him, but after talking with Mandy he was determined to have sex that night. He loved talking with his sister, even if she did tend to rattle on a bit too much with the Lip drama, which was currently in the fourth year of an on-again-off-again relationship, but whenever he got off the phone with her his mind couldn’t help but wander. 

He knew she was still in contact with him. She never brought it up; in fact, barely mentioned any Gallagher besides Lip, but he knew. He wondered if he was an avoided topic in their conversations. As he walked up to Adam he tried to clear his mind.

“Hey,” he said. Adam smiled, excused himself from the group he was with and walked with Mickey over to the smoking area. The small talk was killing Mickey, but he put up with it. It had been too long since he had slept with anybody. 

“Let me buy you a drink,” Adam finally said. Although Mickey was about to protest, he remembered that Adam’s family owned the restaurant; hell they owned the entire waterfront. 

“Make it two,” Mickey said with a smile. 

 

After three shots of Jack, Mickey was ready to leave. “Come on,” he said to Adam. “AJ is staying at Gina’s.”

Back at the apartment, Adam instantly tried to kiss him. Mickey avoided the kiss and grabbed his dick instead. He unbuttoned Adam’s jeans in the middle of the kitchen and got on his knees. Adam was the biggest guy he had been with. But not the best, he thought as he teasingly licked his dick. He blocks the memories from his mind and put his mouth around it. 

Half way through Adam suggested moving to the bedroom, but Mickey just sucked harder, making Adam groan with pleasure. Mickey’s hands roamed his thighs, until he began to tease around his hole. He took his mouth off Adam’s dick and with his free hand began to jerk him off while licking his balls. Mickey took both balls in his mouth, which causes Adam to shake involuntarily.

“fuu-ckk, I’m gonna fucking cum already,” Adam grunts and Mickey begins to blow him again, until Adam lets out a low groan and Mickey feels the warm cum in his mouth. He wiped his mouth, and stood up. “Fuck man.”

“Come on,” Mickey said, leading Adam back to his room. 

“You know, this is the first time I’ve seen your room” Adam said, shuffling to the bedroom with his pants at his ankles.

“shut up,” Mickey replied, grabbing the lube and a condom from his bedside table. Adam was talking too much again, making Mickey’s head spin. 

“Yes sir,” Adam said, sitting down on Mickey’s bed, getting fully undressed. With those two simple words Mickey lost any desire to fuck him. Why the fuck did he have to say that? Mickey thought. “Hurry up I want your cock so badly.”

“I don’t feel well,” Mickey said, sitting on the edge of his bed, the lube and condom still in his hand. 

“What’s wrong?” Adam said, sitting up and putting his hand on Mickey’s shoulder, which was promptly shoved off. 

“Nothing, I just feel sick. Drank too much,” Mickey said, standing up. His head began to throb. 

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You don’t have your car,” Mickey said, steadying himself on his dresser.

“I can walk down to the river and get it.”

“Fucking pussy like you walking through this neighborhood at two in the morning? You’d get mugged as soon as you step outside,” Mickey said laughing. The sickness was starting to leave him the less he thought about it. “They’d make out your designer jeans in an instant and leave you naked.”

“Sorry not all of us are from the hood,” Adam said with a laugh. “Come lie down.”

“Fuck that,” Mickey said. Adam looked hurt. “What, after four years you want to start cuddling or some gay shit like that.”

“I just think that after four years of fucking maybe we could do something more,” Adam said. There it was. Mickey should have known better, that after a while they are always going to want something more. 

“I don’t have anything else to give,” Mickey said looking him straight in the eye. 

“Someone must have fucked you up pretty badly,” Adam said as he began to get dressed. 

Mickey started to say something but stopped. It was the truth and he had no arguments against it. Instead, he sat back down on his bed and watched as Adam got dressed. As he moved to the door, Mickey said, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too,” Adam said closing the door behind him. 

Mickey lied down on his bed and all of the memories of his past life came rushing back to him. The last time he had been unable to offer anything had destroyed him. When he thought about it, it some ways he had come so far from where he had been; in others, he was exactly the same as when he had left him alone in his bedroom all those years ago. For the first time in four years Mickey cried himself to sleep. 

 

Two days later Mickey found himself on the exact same platform he had arrived at four years earlier waiting, hugging his sister. 

“I can’t believe you couldn’t come to get me in the city you fucking prick,” she said hitting him once they pulled away.

“fuck off. At least I didn’t make you take the ferry,” he said as he grabbed her bag and headed to the car. Once inside, he turned to actually look at his sister. She looked the exact same, maybe a little older, except she had cut her hair to her shoulders. 

“You look great Mick,” she said, studying him. 

“Yeah, you too,” he said. “Bitch.”

“Fuckface.”

 

At the apartment he introduced her to AJ and Allie, who were smoking a blunt on the deck off the living room. 

“Oh here, before I forget,” Mandy said, digging in her bag and pulling out a folder and handing it to Mickey.

“What the fuck is all this?”

“Divorce papers. Fucking bitch said she wants to get married. Told me to give these to you,” Mandy said. 

“You’re married?” AJ and Allie said together. Mickey stared at Mandy, who quickly realized what she did. AJ continued, “Jeez, you live with a guy for four years and find out he is married. I feel betrayed.”

“Fuck off,” Mickey said. He stared down at the divorce papers in his hand. He hadn’t thought much about Svetlana since he left Chicago. He had considered himself free of her the moment he left, but now it would be legal. “She trying to get any money from me?”

“Fuck no. She’s too scared of dad to even try that,” Mandy said with a laugh. 

“How come you never mentioned your wife?” AJ asked. 

“shut up AJ, it’s none of your business,” Allie said, hitting him. 

“It’s just weird. Kind of explains why you are always rejecting the girls I bring around for you,” AJ said. Mandy looked at Mickey, who avoided eye contact. His marriage was just the tip of the iceberg of the things his friends didn’t know about him.

“It’s a long story,” Mickey said. He looked over the papers, not understanding a word they said, and signed it. “It’s over now.”

“Ok then,” AJ said. “Well let’s go down to the river and celebrate your freedom!”

“Sounds like a plan,” Mickey said, shoving the papers back into the folder and handing them back to Mandy. He was free. 

 

Later that night, Mickey was about to get into his bed when Mandy knocked on his door and came in. 

“Ugh, I think I’m still seasick. Who the fuck has their bar on a boat?” She asked. They had taken her to Gullys, which was a docked boat. Allie and her had hit it off, which Mickey found both a little strange and disconcerting, and spent the night on the back deck. 

“You’re such a baby,” Mickey said. 

“I like your friends,” she said, lying down in the bed next to Mickey. When they had been younger and their mother was alive, she spent most nights in his bed scared of the fighting. 

“You don’t like anybody.”

“That’s not true. Plus, you don’t even know me anymore,” Mandy said. She had tears in her eyes, which made Mickey uncomfortable. “I miss you Mick.”

“I miss you too,” he admitted. 

“Move over, fucktard,” she said, pushing Mickey to the side of the bed. “So, AJ is like really hot. Don’t you think?”

“Fuck off,” Mickey said. Besides casually asking every now and then if he was seeing anyone, they didn’t talk about his sex life. 

“I’m just saying,” She said with a smile. Mickey glared at her. “Don’t worry. Allie already told me that he is a horrible person when it comes to girls. Plus, me and Lip are on again.”  
“Oh thank god,” Mickey said, rolling his eyes. He accepted his sister’s relationship, because mostly he didn’t care; it was her life to waste with someone who didn’t treat her right. He knew she would come to him if she needed help and couldn’t handle anything on her own. 

Mandy was silent and Mickey had thought she had fallen asleep until she said, “Are you ever going to come home again?”

Mickey thought about going back to Chicago often. He told himself once his father was dead he most likely would, but the longer he stayed away, the easier it was to consider never going back. “There’s nothing there for me, Mandy. I stay out of trouble here.”

“I’m there,” she said, rolling over to look at her brother. He hadn’t seen her vulnerable in years, and he felt like a horrible person. Mickey didn’t say anything, so Mandy continued, “But I understand now why you left.”

“You do?”

“yeah.” Mandy fell asleep shortly after, leaving Mickey awake, lying in the dark. The next morning he didn’t remember falling asleep, just the dreams he had of humid summers long ago. 

 

Mandy stayed for two weeks. While he was at work, Mandy spent her days with Allie and her friend Rebecca at Rebecca’s grandfather’s pool. She got to know his friends, meet the rest of the Rossi’s and, as Mickey expected, ended up in bed with AJ, despite the warnings and Mandy’s insistence that everything was good with Lip. Mickey could only laugh at AJ’s ability to talk almost any girl out of their clothes. As much as he didn’t want his sister to leave, he was looking forward to his life being his own once again. Without meaning to she had brought with her so many painful memories that he had tried to move on from. 

On her last day, he drove her to the train station. As they sat on a bench on the platform waiting for her train, Mickey could feel his sister’s eyes on him. “What the fuck are you looking at?”

“You’ve changed so much,” she said. “Being away and all. Being here. You seem really happy. I’m happy for you Mickey.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. It’s just different here, you know? I think it’s being away from dad,” Mickey said. 

“Yeah,” Mandy said. She took a deep breath and continued. “He’s coming home soon, you know?”

“I didn’t,” Mickey said shortly, without having to even ask who she meant. Of course she would wait until the last minute to bring him up. She had probably planned this entire visit just to tell him this news. They had gone four years without talking about him. He felt the color drain from his face. He was happy here; happier than he would be in Chicago, but the main reason for that was the distance between himself and his past. And here she was dragging it up from the depths. 

“I just thought you should know,” Mandy said. 

“Well, thanks,” he said. “But I’m over it.”

“Ok,” she said. They remained quiet until her train pulled up. They said their goodbyes and ask Mickey walked to the car he thought about what she had said. He was over it; at least in the ways that mattered to him. He got out of bed every morning; he went to work. He made something of himself each and every day instead of rotting in his bed or in prison. Of course he still wondered what it would be like if he had had the balls to ask him to stay, or his father had never found them, but he always reminded himself there was no point. It had happened, and he had moved on, in the ways the mattered at least.


	3. 800 Miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September

The summer went quickly, as they all seem to do, yet Mickey was surprised when he looked down at the date on his phone: September 15. There was only a week until his twenty-third birthday. He felt as if he had been living in a dream since Mandy had left. Whenever they talked she didn’t bring him up, but he knew he was home. Knew he was back in Chicago instead of wherever the fuck he had been. He had survived, which was all Mickey had allowed himself to hope for. If he had dreams of some big reunion and reconciliation, he certainly didn’t allow himself to pay attention to them. 

“What are we going to do for our birthdays?” Allie asked him the Wednesday before his birthday when he got home from work to find her sitting on the couch smoking a blunt with some guy.

“Is AJ here?”

“No,” she responded, handing the blunt to him. “So what are we going to do?”

“What do you mean, we? And what are you even doing here?”

“Well, I was smoking with AJ. He had to run over to my mom’s to help her move a couch. And I mean “we” because we share a birthday asshole. I’m celebrating with you guys this year. This is my friend Joe by the way,” Allie said, almost in one breath. He had no idea how she could talk that fast and it took him a minute to comprehend what she had said. He took another hit and passed it to her friend.

“Mickey,” he said to the kid. “I think we were just going to go down to the river.”

“Well let’s go to Billy Joe’s because I can just sneak in through the kitchens,” Allie said. 

“Whatever,” Mickey said, walking to his room. Why he was allowing a nineteen year old make the decisions he didn’t know, but he had a soft spot for her. Plus, he had always hated his birthday, but since he had met her, her excitement for their shared birthday had begun to spread to him year by year. 

 

That is how Mickey found himself getting ready to go to Billy Joe’s a barbeque restaurant by day and pretty much a night club at night. He hated the place, mainly because it was always jam packed with douchebags and skanky girls, but also because it was Adam’s family that owned the place. He had tried to avoid Adam since earlier that summer, but for someone who lived in the city, he sure spent a lot of time hanging around in Newburgh. 

“Mickey hurry up!” Allie called from the living room. 

“Hold the fuck up!” he shouted back. 

His birthday had started off well, only to be ruined by a phone call from Mandy. “Happy birthday!” she sang into the phone.

“Thanks Mands. I don’t have long to talk, AJ and I are going hunting before dinner at his mom’s,” Mickey had said. 

“Oh look at you with your new family. Hey I have a question.”

“What?”

“How far are you from West Point?” Mickey’s heart stopped. When he had first moved there he had laughed its close proximity to the military academy. Sometimes he would imagine a different life, where he hadn’t enlisted and gone to the school instead. They would be so close. 

“Like twenty minutes. Why?”

“I was just wondering. Look I have something to tell you.”

“I don’t want to hear it Mandy.”

“Just-”

“I said no. I have to go.” He hung up on her and she didn’t call back. The phone call, coupled with the fact that he hadn’t gotten a deer put him in a bad mood which lasted throughout dinner. 

 

He walked out of his bedroom to find at least ten people in their small living room. “Couldn’t we have just met at the bar?”

“No, we had to pregame!” Allie said, handing a shot to Rebecca, who had come up for the weekend from school. 

“Cheer up man, it’s your birthday!” AJ said. Mickey tried to be happy. Here he had a bunch of people who wanted to celebrate with him. There had been a time when he would have given anything for someone other than Mandy to simply acknowledge his existence, and now he had it. He just didn’t know why she had to ruin it by trying to talk about something he worked every day to forget about. 

“All right, let’s go,” Mickey said after taking a few shots of Jack.

 

The bar was packed by the time they got there, the line of people waiting to get IDed out the door. The bouncer, Mark, who was a friend of Mickey’s noticed him and brought the group up to the front, Allie and Rebecca sneaking in through the kitchen. 

“Happy birthday man,” Mark said, stamping his hand.

“Thanks,” Mickey said. There was a band playing out on the deck, probably for the last time before the weather turned cold. 

“You want to dance?” Allie said coming up to him at the bar. 

“Fuck no,” He replied. He bought her and Rebecca a drink, watched them dance into the crowd and went to smoke a cigarette. Paul and Jared, AJ’s sisters boyfriends joined him.

“Dude Allie has got it bad for you. Must be the tattoos,” Jared said.

“Not my type,” Mickey said, noticing the gay bartender who always flirted with him. It is my birthday, he thought, but quickly decided against it. It would be too risky. 

 

They had been there for about an hour before AJ found him again, Gina right at his side. “Let’s go smoke a bowl.”

They made their way out of the bar and headed to the side of the building that was blocked from sight. Gina and AJ were talking, Mickey barely listening. He had drank quickly while he had been there and he was starting to feel the liquor. He was handing the bowl back to Gina when he heard it. It was close by, yet he couldn’t place it. 

“What are you talking about? Look I gotta go back in.” Mickey spun around, searching for the origin of the voice. He knew that voice. Well, at least he thought he did. He couldn’t find the speaker.

“You ok man?” AJ asked, but Mickey wasn’t listening. He felt like he was going crazy. He was hearing things. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Let’s go back in.” 

“Mickey! Come do shots!” Allie yelled as soon as he walked up to her at the bar. He ignored her and looked around, hoping to find what he wanted. His eyes skimmed the crowd across the bar until they locked with the eyes he had been dreaming about for four and a half years. There he was. Four years and 800 miles from the last time he saw him, Ian Gallagher was standing across the bar, staring back at him.


	4. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September

“Mickey? Are you ok?” Allie asked. Mickey didn’t respond; across the bar stood the ghost that had haunted him for the past four years. He was taller, if that was possible and his red hair was growing out from the standard buzz cut. The Army had been good to him, physically at least. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity as if neither one of them was sure the other was real. “Do you know him?”

Again, Mickey couldn’t form the words to respond with those green eyes boring into him. He felt as if they could stand there forever, both unwilling to make the first move, until he realized he was moving. As he made his way around the bar, he felt as if he owed himself, and Ian, to make the first move. And although he didn’t truly believe it, he told himself he wasn’t the same person who had been unable to say anything that last winter in Chicago. 

His eyes never left the redhead’s, scared that if he looked away he would disappear. As gay and cliché as it sounded, even in his head, Mickey couldn’t help feel as if they were the only two people in the room. He stopped about a foot from him. “Gallagher.”

“Mickey.” They stood there, not speaking; Mickey didn’t know what to say. All that time he had spent thinking about what would happen if they ever saw each other again escaped him, unable to get over the shock of his mere presence. 

“Here,” someone said, putting a beer in front of Ian’s face, forcing them to break eye contact. Ian looked at the beer and Mickey looked at the guy who had handed it to him. He looked to be military, and even after years apart, felt the familiar surge of jealousy. 

“Thanks,” Ian said, looking back at Mickey. “Ryan, this is Mickey. We grew up together in Chicago. Ryan was in my unit.”

Mickey held out his hand. Grew up together. As if what they had been through could simply be summed up as grew up together. He didn’t say anything and neither did they. The silence was deafening. 

“I should go,” Mickey said. “I’m here with friends. Good seeing you.”

He walked away, cursing himself. He had choked. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he felt as if he were going to pass out if he did not get air. He walked through the doors leading out to the deck, where the cool air coming off the river calmed him. He stood in the smoking section and tried to light his cigarette, but his hands were shaking too much.

“Here,” Ian said, suddenly at his side, holding up his own lighter. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

“Here? Really? I mean, Mandy mentioned that you lived in New York, I always just assumed the city.”

“Nope. What are you doing here?”

“Visiting Ryan. We’re going to the Army football game tomorrow.”

“I see you didn’t get yourself killed like a dumbass,” Mickey finally said. Ian laughed, and Mickey’s heart skipped a beat at the sound. 

“No, but I did get shot,” Ian responded. 

“Where?” Mickey managed to ask, taken aback by how easy it was for Ian to say this.

“In the ass actually. Hurt like a mother,” Ian said, and they couldn’t help but laugh at the memories of their shared past. 

“Sucks doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Again there was a lull in the conversation. Neither one knew exactly how to approach this strange reunion. Mickey stubbed out his cigarette and automatically lit another one. “This is weird,” Ian finally said. Mickey was so thankful that it was finally acknowledged. He was about to respond when Allie came up. He didn’t know whether to kiss her or tell her to fuck off. She didn’t say anything; instead she waited for Mickey to introduce her. 

“Allie this is Gal-Ian. Ian, Allie.”

“It’s so nice to meet you! You know I’ve known Mickey for four years and you are the only person besides Mandy that we’ve met. He’s so secretive. Like, we didn’t find out he was married until he was signing the divorce papers!” Allie said, speaking fast, her words slurring a bit. 

“You got divorced?” 

“Well I signed the papers a few weeks ago. Don’t really know what is happening. Mandy didn’t tell you?”

“She doesn’t talk about you.”

“Oh,” Mickey said confused, and a little hurt that he wasn’t brought up in their conversations. 

“We’re gonna head up to Larry’s after last call. Are you going to join us, Ian?” Allie asked. Now he wanted to tell her to fuck off. 

“I think I’m leaving soon,” Ian said to her. He turned to Mickey and added, “I’m going to be around for the next week if you want to get a drink and catch up.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said. “Your number the same?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. Mickey stepped on his cigarette. “Well give me a call or something. It was really good to see you.”

“You too Gallagher,” Mickey said. They stood there awkwardly for a second, staring at each other, neither one of them wanting to be the first to walk away. Finally, Ian smiled and began to turn away. Mickey turned towards Allie, who was staring at him, a confused look on her face. 

“Ready?”

“Yeah.” They started towards the exit, when he heard his name.

“Mickey?” he turned around to face Ian. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks man,” he said with a smile. 

 

Mickey, Allie, AJ and Gina stumbled into the apartment around 4:30 after ending their night with Gina throwing up all over the sidewalk outside of Larry’s. Allie, convinced she wouldn’t make it to her own house without throwing up decided to stay the night, and made herself a bed on the couch. Mickey was about to walk into his room when she called to him. 

“Hey Mickey?”

“What?”

“Was that guy your like boyfriend?” He stopped cold. 

“What?” he said, slowly.

“I don’t know. I just felt like you guys had history. And I know you’re like gay or whatever.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Rebecca said you were hooking up with her brother, Adam.” How Mickey had missed the family connection between the two of them he didn’t know. Now that he thought about it they did look a lot alike, with the same blond hair and blue eyes, and the exact same nose. He swore under his breath. “I didn’t tell anyone. I won’t. Is he your boyfriend?”

“No,”

“Was he?”

“No,” he sat down on the other couch and looked at her curled up, her make up smeared and her hair a mess. He didn’t know if it was the alcohol, the shock of seeing Ian after four and a half years, or the fact that Allie knew, but he didn’t stop there. “We had something once but it got fucked up.”

“you should have seen your face when you saw him. It was like that scene in The Notebook,” she started to mumble into the pillow and he couldn’t understand what she was saying. “It was just so like, beautiful, you know?”

Back in his room, Mickey thought back to Ian’s face as recognition grew over it; how his eyes had expanded and that same sad smile that he been his last view of him all those years before. He would never admit to it, since it was pretty fucking gay, but it had been beautiful.


	5. Small World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September

If Mickey thought Mandy knowing was bad, it was nothing compared to Allie. At least Mandy kept her mouth shut, most of the time. Over the next few days every time he ran into Allie, which was a lot because she for some reason was always at his fucking apartment, even when AJ wasn’t, she asked him if he had talked to Ian. He wanted to punch her, or at least tell her to fuck off, but he didn’t. She wasn’t Mandy. 

He had called Mandy the next morning, extremely pissed off that she had not told him that Ian was near him. “Are you fucking kidding me shithead? I tried to tell you that he was going to be near West Point. You fucking hung up on me.”

“You still should have told me.”

“Fuck you.” She was quiet and then added, “How was it?”

“Fucking weird. He mentioned that you don’t talk about me.”

“No. I’m not getting in the middle of this. I don’t bring you up to him, just like I don’t bring him up to you. If you guys want to know about each other you have to ask. But you are both fucking stubborn assholes.”

When he told her about Allie she just laughed. “I knew it. She kept trying to ask questions about you, like it wasn’t obvious what she was after. I think she’s good for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you haven’t called him. Even though he told you to. It’s good that she is there pushing you, because for some reason you can’t tell her to fuck off like you tell me. You guys need to talk. You need closure.”

“Fuck off,” he said.

 

He waited until Wednesday to call him on his lunch break. He had avoided it simply because he was too scared to face whatever truths Ian would tell him. They were right; he did need closure. Seeing him had sent him into an emotional whirlwind he hadn’t felt since Ian first left. He knew they were different people than they had been at eighteen. He thought again how crazy it was that just a few years could make such a difference in someone’s life. Maybe now he would be able to tell him everything he had been unable to back then. He didn’t expect it to make a difference, but he owed him that much. 

They made plans to meet at The Rail after Mickey got off work. He had offered to drive out to West Point to meet him, but Ian had insisted on seeing where he worked. When Mickey pulled into the parking lot, his car hitting every pothole, he saw Ian sitting at the picnic table in front smoking a cigarette.

“Hey,” he said walking up to him.

“Hey.” Once again, they didn’t know what to say. 

“You want to play a game of pool?”

“Sure.”

 

It was awkward at first, considering there were only a few other people in the bar and no one to help move the conversation along, but soon they got the hang of it. Each beer and each game they played it got easier to talk. 

Mickey hit the eight ball into the pocket and Ian sighed loudly. “Best five out of seven?”

“You want to make it more interesting?” Ian asked, taking a sip of his beer. “Fifty bucks?”

“You’re on firecrotch.”

 

They were outside sharing a cigarette—Mickey amazed at how easy it was to fall back into old habits--when Ian said, “You’re doing really well for yourself, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Mickey said.

“You know when I came back home I couldn’t believe you had left. I had only been gone a month and you were just gone. Mandy only knew you were in New York. I tried to call a few times, but you had changed your number,” Ian said. 

“What do you mean a month?” Mickey had waited at least a month before leaving. They must have just missed each other.

“That was how long it took the Army to figure out I wasn’t Lip.” He then went on to explain what had happened. Mickey sat there stunned as the truth unfolded. He had been given community service hours and had been allowed to reenlist when he turned 18.

“Mandy never told me,” Mickey finally said.

“Would it have changed anything? Would you have come back?”

“I don’t know,” Mickey said, taking a sip of his beer. He was drunk enough to ask the question he had wanted to know since his birthday. “Was that guy your boyfriend?”

“Fuck no,” Ian said with a laugh. “I’m Southside to the core man. Even without Don’t Ask Don’t Tell I still wasn’t going to broadcast that I’m gay.”

“Smart,” Mickey said. 

“I am seeing someone though,” Ian said and Mickey’s heart sank. He hadn’t really thought that Ian would have waited for him, did he?

“That’s good man,” Mickey lied. “I’m happy for you.”

“What about you? You seeing anyone?”

“Nah,” Mickey said. “There was this one guy on and off. But he wanted more. Guess I haven’t changed that much. Fucked it up again.”

“What happened between us wasn’t you fault Mick. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, really,” Ian said softly.

“Yeah it was. Fucking Terry,” Mickey added and Ian nodded.

“That’s true. We were young though, you know? I don’t think it would have lasted even if everything hadn’t happened.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said, although he couldn’t get past the fact that he didn’t really believe that and he didn’t think Ian did either. If only he had been able to form the words. 

 

They stayed for a few more hours, drinking, playing pool and sharing snippets of their lives. 

“I’m going back to Chicago tomorrow,” Ian said.

“Say hello to the Southside for me.”

“You know, I thought a lot about how it would be running into you there for the first time. Who would have thought we would have found each other here?”

“Fucking small world man,” Mickey said. “It was good to see you.”

“You too Mick,” Ian said. Before Mickey really knew what was happening, they were hugging. In all the time they had spent fucking, they had never hugged. This is fucking gay, Mickey thought, before adding, but really nice. It lasted longer than a normal hug between two friends would, neither one of them wanting to let go. It was Ian who finally broke away. “Give me a call next time you’re in Chicago. I’d like to win my fifty bucks back.”

“Fat chance firecrotch,” Mickey said. There was so much more he had wanted to say, wanted to explain. It was too late thought. Too much time had passed and too much had changed. They were different people than they had been and Mickey wasn’t sure Ian would even believe him. Ian walked to his car, raised his hand and drove away, Mickey not taking his eyes off him once. 

 

When he got back home, Allie was sitting on the couch. “Of course you’re here. Doesn’t your mother wonder where you are all the time?”

“I just thought you might want some company,” she said, lighting a blunt. He smiled and headed to the fridge. “I got you some beer.”

“Thanks,” he said. He looked at her, feet curled up under her on the couch, flipping through the channels. The last thing he had expected was to want her company, but now he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more. 

“Want to watch a movie?” she asked, when he settled onto the couch next to her. She handed him the blunt, he gave her a beer. 

“sure. But I’m not fucking watching Crazy Stupid Love again.”

“How about Labyrinth?”

“Never seen it.”

“oh then yes. David Bowie in tights is just what you need right now. You’re going to love it,” she said, getting up to put the movie in. He laughed and as she sat back down next to him, she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Just seems like you need a friend,” she said. “Now shh, the opening scenes are my favorite.”


	6. Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January

“Come on! Are you fucking kidding me?” Mickey yelled as the Bears dropped another pass. It was January and the apartment was packed with people watching the game. His phone rang and when he saw it was Mandy he silenced it. She called back.

“Fuck Mandy I’m watching the game can’t I call you back?”

“Dad’s dead.”

“What?” He said, getting up to go onto the balcony where it was quiet

“Dad’s dead. He was on a run to Wisconsin and he had a fucking heart attack. Funeral is on Friday.” Mickey didn’t know what to say. He had dreamed about this day many times, but now that it was actually happening, he didn’t know what to feel. “You need to come home.”

“Ok,” he said. 

“Thank you,” She said and hung up the phone. He walked back into the living room. 

“You ok? You look paler than normal,” AJ said. 

“My dad died.” Everyone went quiet and stared at him. He started to laugh, which confused everyone. “My dad is dead.”

“Are you ok?” Allie asked, as he began laughing harder. What the fuck was wrong with him. This wasn’t how you were supposed to react when your dad dies. Then again, Terry hadn’t exactly been the world’s best father. Tears were coming from his eyes from laughing so hard. 

“Had a fucking heart attack,” Mickey said through fits of laughter. “Of course. Such a simple way to go.”

“I think we should go,” Justine said, getting up, Paul following her. “I’m sorry about your father Mickey.”

“Ha! You wouldn’t be if you knew him,” Mickey said, unable to stop laughing. Allie got up and moved next to him, placing her hand around his back. He shoved it off, but she put it back, pulling him closer. He buried his face in her dark hair until the laughter turned to tears. 

 

Over the next few days as he made arrangements to get home, he still broke into fits of laughter. He didn’t know what this meant, but he figured it was better than crying again. Allie had sat with him for over an hour, while everyone else left, feeling too awkward. He didn’t blame them; he would have left. But she had stayed. 

In the five months that had passed he began to see her as someone other than AJ’s flirty little sister. She still talked too much and too fast and sometimes Mickey wanted to bang his head on the wall, but they were friends now. She seemed to be able to read him better than anyone in his entire life ever had; she knew when he needed someone close by, even when he pushed her away. 

And he opened up to her; told her about his mother’s suicide, about growing up with Terry, what happened between Ian and him. She knew things about him that he hadn’t even realized. It was her who pointed out that he had been raped, and as much as he tried to deny it, because did he really think guys could be raped, once she said it he knew it was true. She didn’t judge him; she simply listened. He didn’t know until her that sometimes that was all he needed. She even offered to go back to Chicago with him for the funeral. He had thought about taking her up on the offer, but realized that he needed to face his past on his own.

 

He arrived in Chicago on Thursday night. The house was packed with family he hadn’t seen in years. Jaime and Tony had kids now, which he had known. They eyed him wearily, angry at him for leaving. Yet they hadn’t known the truth. 

After just a few hours back in that house Mickey felt suffocated and had to get out so that night he and Mandy went out to get a beer at the Alibi. . Kevin Ball was working and when they walked in he said, “Whoa, Mickey Milkovich, never thought I’d see the day. How you been man? It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve been good.”

“Sorry about your dad,” Kev said, pouring them two beers and two shots. Mickey nodded and Mandy took her shot without waiting. She was having a hard time with their father’s death, even if she wouldn’t admit it. 

They were there for about an hour before Mickey got up to go to the bathroom. When he came back, he saw two people sitting at the booth. Gallagher. 

They hadn’t spoken in five months; not since Ian went back to Chicago. Whether he admitted it or not, knowing Gallagher was with someone else had really hurt him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to be friends with him, so he had decided not to stay in contact. Mandy didn’t even dare mention his name after Mickey had asked her why she hadn’t told him about his boyfriend. 

“I didn’t know it was serious enough for him to tell you,” she had said, but Mickey had hung up on her and they hadn’t talked for two weeks. 

Now here they were, Gallagher and Emerson. What a fucking stupid name Mickey thought to himself. He could see the guy’s profile. As much as he hated to admit it, he was good looking, and tall. Gallagher looked good with a tall guy. Didn’t need to fucking bend down to kiss him. Mickey pushed the thoughts from his mind, and was about to walk over there until they all turned to look at him. Ian’s face looked pained, Mandy looked uncomfortable, and stupid name guy looked scared. The last thing he wanted to deal with was the “ex meets the new boyfriend” situation. 

Instead of going over there he walked right out the door, and didn’t stop when he heard Ian calling after him. 

 

After the funeral they made their way back to the house and everyone, as was Milkovich style, got wasted. As the day wore into the night, they began telling stories about Terry, as if he was such a great person. The only one besides Mickey who wasn’t participating was Mandy. Lip was there with her and Mickey wondered where Ian was. Probably with his boyfriend, Mickey thought, pouring another drink. 

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who had noticed Ian’s boyfriend. It was around ten when Joey said something to Lip. 

“I heard your brother’s a fag. Saw him kiss some dude the other day.” Lip looked like he was about to punch Joey, but Mickey got there first. 

“What the fuck Mickey?”

“Don’t fucking talk about Ian like that,” Mickey said, his knuckles hurting. He grabbed his coat and walked out of the house, leaving everyone stunned behind him. It wasn’t until he was a block down that he realized what he had just done. He couldn’t go back there. He was totally screwed. “FUCK!”

 

The first place he went was the cemetery, the freshly covered grave marking where his father was. He sat there, drinking, and couldn’t fight the tears. He hated himself for this; the man wasn’t worth this. When he stood up to leave, he said, “Fuck you dad. Fuck you for everything you put us through. Fuck you for raising us to believe we were born to be criminals and couldn’t amount to anything. Look at me! Your faggot son has done better in four years than you did in an entire life. Fuck you.”

 

Mickey wandered the streets for hours, drinking a bottle of whiskey. Somehow, he found himself in front of the Gallagher house. He realized it had been the place he had been avoiding all night, and yet here he was. 

“GALLAGHER! IAN GALLAGHER! COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!” Mickey yelled, the empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. “fuck Gallagher.”

A light switched on inside the house. The front door opened and Fiona stepped out. “What the fuck are you doing here Mickey? It’s three in the fucking morning.”  
“I need to see Gallagher,” he slurred leaning on the fence. Just then Ian appeared behind Fiona. 

“I got it, Fi,” he said. She looked at him, and then back at Mickey put up her hands in a sign of defeat and walked back inside. Ian walked over to him, standing on the other side of the gate. “How much have you drank?”

“Did you hear?” he asked, putting his hands on Ian’s shoulders. “My dad is dead. Fucking dead.”

“I know,” Ian said, looking at Mickey in the eye. “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not. I’m not fucking sorry! He was the world’s worst father. I have never fucking been happier,” Mickey said. 

“He was still your father,” Ian said softly. 

“Fuck him. I hope he rots in fucking hell. He-” but he couldn’t finish because Ian was right, and even in his drunken state he knew it. As much as he wanted to hate him and be happy, he was still his father and he was sad he was dead. And he hated himself for that. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Here,” Ian said, opening the gate. “Come in and sleep it off on the couch.”

Inside, Ian grabbed an extra pillow and a blanket and made a bed for Mickey, who sat on the chair staring at the ground. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Mickey said. 

“No problem,” Ian was about to walk upstairs when Mickey stopped him. 

“I’m sorry. For everything that happened between us,” he said.

“I already told you it wasn’t your fault,” Ian said.

“No, it was,” Mickey said. “I was too much of a fucking pussy. I still am. But fuck Ian. I really did love you. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to finally say it. I loved you.” 

“I loved you too, Mick,” Ian said sitting down on the couch next to him. 

“You think if I had said it back then, we would have made it work? I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s all I have been thinking about since I couldn’t say it. I was scared.”

“Maybe,” Ian said. “We were young.”

“What about now?” Mickey asked, the room beginning to spin. “I still love you. After everything I’m still fucking in love with you.”

“Mick,”

“No. I have to fucking tell you. I love you.” The room was really starting to spin faster and he couldn’t stop the words from coming. “It’s too late isn’t it? For us to start over? To fix everything?”

Ian didn’t say anything. He was staring at Mickey, who kept trying to focus his eyes on the redhead. Finally, he spoke: “I’ll always love you Mickey. But yeah, I think it might be too late.”

“I thought so. I just thought you deserved to finally know.” 

Ian smiled at him, kissed him on the forehead and before walking up the stairs, said, “That’s all I ever wanted.”

 

Mickey woke up the next morning to a redheaded girl putting a glass of water and some advil on the table. It was Debbie, now 16. She looked at him as he sat up. “hey,” he said groggily. 

“Hey,” she said. “Sorry about your dad.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said. All of a sudden the events of the previous night came swimming into his mind. Fuck me, he thought. “Ian here?”

“Sleeping,” she replied. He took the Advil, drank the entire class and put on his shoes. 

“Will you tell him I said thanks, and that I’m sorry?”

“Yeah,” she said. 

“Thanks.” He put on his coat and left. He walked home to get his stuff. He didn’t want to spend another minute in that house. As he walked up to the house, he saw Mandy and Lip sitting on the front porch. 

“Hey,” she said. She didn’t say anything about the night before, just hugged him. He grabbed his bag and was about to leave when he decided to leave a note for his brother’s. Mandy stood and watched as he scrawled “Hey fuckers--I’m gay” on a piece of paper. He never had to see them again, so what was the point in hiding it? He turned to Mandy and said, “I’ll call you when I get home.”

 

When he got back to his apartment AJ and Gina were on the couch. He was constantly amazed that AJ had actually been with Gina for so long. Yeah, he had cheated on her with Mandy, but he had actually been faithful to her since then. Mickey thought that if AJ could try and change his womanizing ways, he could change too. He had already taken the first step. 

“I need to talk to you,” he said to AJ. 

“Shoot,” AJ said. Mickey thought about asking for privacy but decided against it. He had told his brothers, through a note, but he told them, and he had told Ian. 

“I’m gay. I like dudes. I understand if you don’t want to live with me, but lying to myself has already cost me a chance at happiness and I guess it’s time to man up and accept that I’m gay. But I am not a fucking bitch.” He couldn’t believe he had actually said that out loud. He studied AJ’s face for the disgusted look he had been expecting. He didn’t say anything for a while, just seemed to be comprehending what Mickey had said. 

“How come you never hit on me?” AJ asked. Mickey was stunned. Of course that is what AJ would be upset about; not the fact that he had kept this a secret, but that he hadn’t tried to get with him. 

“Not my type.”

“What? I’m everyone’s type.”

“Too much of a fucking pussy,” Mickey said and AJ laughed. 

“Well congrats on coming out. Take a rip,” AJ said, handing him the bong. 

 

Later that night, Mickey couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned for an hour, his mind constantly turning back to Ian’s face when he had told him, yes, it was too late. He looked at his phone. It was only 2:30 am, and it was the weekend. He was bound to be up. The phone rang three times before he picked up. 

“Hello?”

“Adam?” 

“Mickey.”

“You want to get a drink next time you are in town?”


	7. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June

“Won’t you just come for a bit so you can meet him?”

“I’m a bit busy here,” Mickey said, trying to lift the dresser into the van. His fingers got caught. “Fuck!”

“Mickey! Language,” Mrs. Rossi said from the porch, watching over the boys.

“Sorry,” Mickey said. He had somehow allowed himself to get talked into helping the oldest Rossi daughter’s stuff from her childhood home to the new home she would be sharing with her husband just around the corner. 

He sat down on the steps and lit a cigarette. He was sweating through his shirt. Who the fuck decides it’s a good idea to move in the middle of June? He thought. Allie sat down next to him.

“It will be fun!” she said. 

“I think I might be a bit old to hang out with college kids, let alone have you try and hook me up with one.”

“He’s 21! Well he will be,” she said knocking her knee into his. He glared at her.

“Yeah, and I’ll be 24 in September,” Mickey said.

“It’s only three years.”

“You have no idea how much of a difference three years can be,” he said. “Look, I already agreed to be your date to the wedding. Can’t you wait at least a month before asking me for another favor?”

“No,” she said. “I just thought it would be nice for you to meet someone. It’s been like two months since you and Adam broke up.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Yes, you do.”

After Mickey had come back from Chicago Adam and him had gotten together for drinks. Adam had been hesitant to listen to what Mickey had to say, but in the end agreed to try and go out on a real date. “Must be the tattoos,” he had said after agreeing.

With Adam living in the city, it had been difficult, but Mickey had actually made an effort. It had been hard for him to allow Adam to touch him in public, and the first time Adam kissed him, he had involuntarily pulled away, but he tried. And if he began to forget, Allie was always there reminding him that he couldn’t waste his life pining, her words, not his, over Ian. 

For months, however, he couldn’t help the fact that after he was done fucking Adam he felt empty inside. His nights were still haunted by the ghost of a redhead who had told him it was too late. 

In March, Mandy had texted him to let him know that Ian and Emerson were moving in together. After a long night of drinking at the river, he got into a fight for the first time in years. He had landed a few good shots, but still came home with a busted lip, a black eye and a bruised rib, which plagued him for weeks.

The fight had caused the downfall of Adam and his relationship. He had tried, he really had, but in the end, it hadn’t been enough. 

“You are still hung up on something,” Adam had said. “And the worst part is, you won’t even fucking tell me. We all have pasts, why can’t you tell me?”

All Mickey had been able to do was apologize and accept that once again, someone deserved better than what he could give. 

That had been in April, and since then Allie had been trying unsuccessfully to hook him up with her friend Sam, who was apparently into bad boys and knuckle tattoos. Her latest ploy was to get Mickey to come to a friend from high school’s party to meet him.

“The last thing I need right now is to go to a party in some dude’s basement with a bunch of people underage,” he kept telling her. 

“Some of them are over 21! Come on, it will be fun,” she told him. “And if you don’t go, who will be there to protect me?”

“Fuck off,” he said. She had been playing that card for a while now and she knew he fell for it.

Back in March he had been sleeping, when he had woken to her phone call at three in the morning. Adam had been sleeping, pretty much on top of him and he was thankful for the excuse to get out of the bed. She had been totally incoherent on the phone and it had taken him a good ten minutes before he finally understood what she was saying. She was spending the night at her boyfriend’s house and they had gotten into a fight and he had locked her out. 

When he got there, she was lying on the steps, in just a t-shirt and her underwear, her eyes barely open. 

“What the fuck are you on?” he had asked, angrily.

“I don’t remember,” she said, her words slurring. “we took some pills.”

“Fuck Allie,” he said. He had banged on the door to the condo until her boyfriend finally opened the door, surprised to see Mickey. “What the fuck did you give her?”

“Oh fuck off, we were just having fun. Took some oxys and then the bitch flipped out,” he said. Mickey kicked him in the balls and then the stomach a few times while he was on the ground.

“You let her stay out here practically naked? You stay the fuck away from her,” he said, giving the kid one more kick to the stomach. He walked down the steps, grabbed Allie by the arm and put her in the car.

“I’m sorry,” she slurred, but Mickey ignored her. She started to cry, which he fucking hated. “I didn’t want to call AJ.”

He didn’t say a word the entire ride back to the apartment, where he made her throw up the pills and put her to bed on the couch. He spent the rest of the night in the living room with her, watching TV and making sure she was still breathing. 

He didn’t know why he was so upset. He had taken oxy plenty of times; fuck he had probably gotten high off every known drug at some point in his life, yet seeing Allie like that had done something to him. He didn’t want her to have the life he had once lived. The next morning, all he said was “Don’t fucking do that again.” She had agreed and they had dropped the subject. 

“I’ll come in for a blunt, but I’m not paying for it,” he said. 

“Thank you!” she said attacking him with a hug. He let her hug him for a few seconds before telling her to fuck off. 

That’s how Mickey found himself squeezed onto a loveseat between Allie and Rebecca, in the tiny bedroom in some kid’s basement. There were people on the bed, on the floor, out in the little den and in the garage. Every time he thought the tiny basement was filled to capacity, another group of people would show up. 

Sam, who was tall with black hair and grey eyes that Mickey noticed right away, was playing beer pong in the garage. He didn’t seem that interested in actually talking to Mickey, which he was fine with. Allie had told him that he hadn’t come out yet to anyone but her and Rebecca when they had gotten wasted the summer before. Because of this she thought they would be perfect together, and Mickey couldn’t help but laugh at how wrong she was. He knew that it didn’t usually bring people together, but drive them apart. He had enough experience with that.

Still, he stayed. And when Sam asked him if he wanted to play on his team against the girls, he had agreed. And when they found themselves alone on the front porch smoking a cigarette, he even attempted to make conversation. 

“Allie said you go to New Paltz,” Mickey said, talking about the college.

“Yeah, I’m going to be a junior,” he said. “So you’re from Chicago?”

“Yep. Southside born and bred,” Mickey said with a laugh. Ian had been right; no matter how far he went, there was no escaping it. 

“How’d you end up here?”

“Long story,” Mickey said, about to change the subject, but decided against it. He had lost two relationships over his inability to accept the past, why stop one before even forming? “Got married at 18, realized I couldn’t live a lie, so I left.”

“Wow,” Sam said. He looked at Mickey’s hands. “What’s with the tattoos?”

“Oh, I got them to send a message.”

“What message?”

“That my knuckles will fuck you up,” he said and Sam laughed. “It was a long time ago.”

They played a few more games of beer pong, until Allie, wasted from constantly losing declared she wanted to go home. As they were walking to the car, Sam came running after him. “Here,” he said, handing him a piece of paper. “If you like wanna smoke or something.”

“Sure,” Mickey said with a smile, putting the piece of paper into his pocket.

“Can’t you just cover them up?”

“You want me to put fucking make-up on my hands? Bitch are you crazy?”

“I just don’t think it’s appropriate to walk into a church with “fuck u-up” on your knuckles”

“Well, it’s like I’m telling the priest not to touch me or I’ll fuck him up.”

“We aren’t Catholic.”

“What?”

“We aren’t Catholic, so it’s a pastor, not a priest.”

“I thought everyone was Catholic. Besides Jews and Towelheads.”

“Real nice. I give up,” Allie said. “I have to go, Kerry will kill me if I’m late to pictures. I’ll see you there.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said, rolling over. It was 10:30 the morning of Allie’s sister’s wedding and he had barged in to ask him if he could do something with his tattoos. 

“She sure does talk a lot,” Sam said sitting up. “What time do you have to be at the church?”

“it starts at 3,” Mickey said. He rolled over on top of Sam. “Plenty of time.”

They had been hanging out ever since that night at the party, and Allie had been right. They did work well together. Sam never expected, or want, public displays of affection, and he was damn good in bed. In fact, Mickey had actually bottomed a few times, which he hadn’t done since Ian. 

Sam was kissing his neck when his phone rang. Mickey was going to ignore it, but decided against it. “It might be Mandy.” It was a Chicago area code, but he didn’t know the number.

“Mandy?”

“No, it’s me,” Ian said. Mickey’s heart stopped. Six months of no communication and here he was calling him up at 10:30, 9:30 Chicago time, on a Saturday morning. 

“Oh hey,” Mickey said.

“Who is it?” Sam asked, kissing Mickey’s neck again.

“Are you busy?” He must have heard Sam.

“I’ve got a wedding to go to, have to get ready,” Mickey said. “Did you want something?”

“I was just walking by the wall, you know where you spray painted “Ian Gallagher is a dead man” and it seems as if the city is finally getting around to covering it up,” Ian said into the phone. Mickey laughed, remembering all those years before, before they had even began. 

“Well, the city was bound to get around to it. Only took them, what, seven years?”

“Yeah, well it just made me think of you. Whenever I walked by it, it always seemed as if a piece of you was still here. And now it’s gone.” Mickey was quiet. He didn’t know what Ian wanted him to say; it had been him who had said it was too late.

“If you want, next time I’m in town, I’ll do it again,” he finally said and Ian laughed. 

“It’s good to hear your voice,” Ian said. “I’ll let you go. Have fun at the wedding.”

“Thanks,” Mickey said, hanging up the phone.

“Who was that?” Sam asked, looking at Mickey. 

“Just someone I grew up with,” Mickey said. “Now where were we?”


	8. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October

“How did you get this scar?” Sam asked, biting his cheek.

“Got shot in the ass,” Mickey said, wincing as his teeth dug in. Sam sat up and Mickey rolled over. He stole a glance out the window; after three days, the rain was still falling. 

“You’ve been shot?”

“Twice, actually,” Mickey said.

“Why?”

“Over a boy I guess,” he said, thinking back. He pointed to the scar on his thigh. “The first time the guy was kind of cheating on his married Towelhead boyfriend with me, and he caught us. So I robbed and threatened him, and he shot me.”

“What the fuck?”

“The second time, the same guy talked me into helping him steal shit from his viagroid boyfriend’s wife. Said she was just a drunk old lady. Yeah, with a fucking shotgun.”

“Jesus Mick,” Sam said. “You were a badass.”

“I was an asshole,” Mickey said.

“You must have really liked the kid to get shot twice for him.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said. “Or just a huge idiot.”

“Would you get shot for me?”

“I think I’m done getting shot for anybody. Two times is enough,” Mickey said. 

It was mid-October and they had been dating for about four months. They spent most of their free time, which for Mickey wasn’t that often, together that summer. Since Sam wasn’t out with his home friends and Mickey still wasn’t comfortable in public situations, they were often alone, or joined by Allie and Rebecca, or AJ. They didn’t go out together, mainly because Sam’s friends preferred Billy Joes and Mickey didn’t want to spend that much time with 21 year olds. The one time he did, it had been the 4th of July and it had been with a huge group of people to see the fireworks.

Mickey was perfectly happy with their relationship until a week before Labor Day. That had been when he first got the feeling that Sam might be developing stronger feelings. Sam invited him to go away with his friends from college Upstate to a lake house. After prodding from Allie, and Mandy, Mickey had agreed. He had had a lot of fun, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that for some reason Sam was falling in love with him. He liked Sam, he really did, but he just couldn’t see them working together long term. He lived in a constant fear that Sam would one day say those words that he again, wouldn’t be able to say back, not out of fear, but just because he didn’t want to lie. Still, he stuck with it, because maybe he would wake up one morning to realize that somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with him. It had happened before. 

He looked at Sam, who was still staring at his thigh. Mickey stood up and grabbed a pair of jeans. “Come on, let’s go to the store. We’re almost out of beer.”

“I’ve got to get back to school, I have a test tomorrow,” Sam said. “But how about you come up on Tuesday and we’ll go to dinner.”

“I think I have a big job on Tuesday, but I’ll let you know.”

 

He was lying. He felt horrible about it, but it didn’t stop him. In truth, Ian was coming to visit him. A week the phone call, Mickey, a little drunk, called him. 

“Hey,” Ian said answering the phone. 

“I just wanted to let you know that those two years that we were, you know, whatever, were the happiest I had been in probably my entire life up to that point.”

“Mickey,” Ian interrupted.

“No,” Mickey said. “You were the first person since my mom that believed in me. You know, saw me as something more than a fucked up kid on the track to jail. And if it hadn’t been for you, for us, I would most likely be in prison right now. And I never thanked you for that.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Ian said, but Mickey knew he had. Sometimes he was so thankful that Ian left him. If he hadn’t he probably would still be in Chicago, lying to himself. At least now, he had made something of himself.

After that phone call they had been sporadically keeping in touch. Mostly it was missed phone calls and random texts, but it was nice to be able to hear his voice sometimes. They didn’t talk about Emerson or Sam, or their own relationship, but that was fine with Mickey. No need to ruin whatever it was they had. Just like with Mandy, talking with Ian reminded him of how far he had come from being 18, scared and alone. 

As Mickey walked Sam down to his car and watched him drive away, Mickey thought back to a few days earlier. Mickey, running late for work, had stopped at the gas station just as his phone rang. The caller ID read Gallagher. 

“Gallagher,” He said answering the phone. “fuck you up to?”

“Well, I’m actually in Manhattan,” he said. Mickey’s heart stopped beating for a moment. He was so close.

“In town for the pride parade?” Mickey asked, with a laugh.

“You’re hilarious Mickey,” Ian said. “No I was visiting my friend Ryan, remember him? And I figured I’d give you a call. Maybe I could take you out for your birthday.”

“My birthday was a month ago,” Mickey said.

“Yeah, and I feel bad about missing it,” Ian said. Mickey thought about it for a moment. Ian hadn’t missed his birthday. In fact, besides Sam who had counted down the seconds as the clocked ticked to midnight, Ian’s text had been the first he had received at 12:01. He was about to mention this when he decided against it. Ian wanted to see him and he wasn’t going to pass up on this opportunity.

“You want to take the train up here? I could show you around the hood,” Mickey said. Ian laughed and agreed.

Ian arrived on Monday night. It was awkward at first, but as usual, they got back into the swing of things easily. They were sitting on the couch playing a video game when Mickey’s phone rang. It was Sam; he could tell by the ringtone, which Sam had set for himself. He could feel his face growing red as Ian started laughing. He answered.

“Hey,” Mickey said. “I can’t really talk right now, bit busy.”

“I just wanted to see if you could make it up tomorrow,” Sam said. Mickey looked at Ian, felt a pang of guilt and lied. 

“No, I have a job in Jersey,” Mickey said. “But I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Ok,” Sam said. “I miss you.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said and hung up.

“So,” Ian said awkwardly. They sat there for a few minutes. “You didn’t tell him I was coming?”

“Fuck no,” Mickey said. “He would get upset.”

“Yeah,” Ian said. They were silent again. “So, how are things with you guys?”

Ian had broken their unsaid rule. If this friendship had any chance of succeeding, which most of the time, Mickey didn’t think so, they had to stick to the plan. But, instead of ignoring the questioned, he opened up partly because he always felt he needed to prove how much he had changed to him. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing man,” Mickey finally said. “I like him, but he is only 21. I feel like I am so much older than him. Plus, I think he is about to tell me he loves me and we’ve only been together or whatever for a few months.”

“Oh,” Ian said. “Well, maybe this time it will only take you two years instead of five to tell him.”

“Fuck off,” Mickey said laughing at Ian’s ridiculous smile. 

“So you have to work tomorrow?” Ian said, changing the subject.

“No, I took off,” Mickey said, taking sip of his beer to ignore the new smile Ian had on his face. “What do you want to do?”

“How about you show me some of your favorite places around here?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, like the abandoned building. Where do you go here to be alone?”

“Ok,” Mickey said. 

 

The next morning, after a horrible night’s sleep on the couch (he let Ian have his bed), they went out to breakfast. Mickey might have lied to Sam, but he didn’t intend to cheat on him. He knew him and Ian were over; it was just nice to be able to keep a little part of him.

“So where are you going to take me?” Ian asked. 

“I have a few places in mind,” Mickey said. 

“A tree?” Ian asked looking up at the Eastern Cottonwood looming over the two of them. Mickey grabbed his arm and led him to the plaque. 

“It’s called the Balmville Tree. They claim it grew from where George Washington planted his walking stick,” Mickey said.

“It looks like it’s half dead. Is that a beam going through the middle?” Ian asked, taking in the rock wall and the wires holding the tree up.

“Oh, it is most definitely half dead. I think part of it is hollow or some shit,” Mickey said. “It’s a state forest.”

“It’s one tree,” Ian said.

“Smallest state forest in the state.”

“Try the country. Why do you like it here?”

“Well, I usually just stop here on my way to next place, but I think it says something about how hard certain people were willing to work to save something that was already partly dead,” Mickey said, looking at Ian, who smiled slightly before looking away. 

“Where’s the next place?”

Mickey led him down a dead-end road close by to the tree. When they passed the green house on their left, Mickey pointed it out. “That’s where my, uh, ex lives. Or his family anyway.”

Ian took in the massive house, which was nothing like they had ever seen on the Southside. “Jesus, Mick, you moved up.”

“Fuck off,” Mickey said. “it didn’t work out and I think the money had a lot to do with it.” 

“Yeah, Emerson comes from money,” Ian said. “It’s a little weird.”

Mickey was silent as he drove down the hill and pulled his car over on the side of the road. “Low tide, perfect.”

“Where are we?”

“Near the train tracks,” Mickey said, walking off the road and down a little hill towards a stream. The stream led out to the Hudson River, but under the train pass over, the tide ebbed. There was a bit of land that jutted out into the river. Ian followed him. 

“Wow,” Ian said, sitting down. “How did you find this place?”

“Allie showed me. Her best friend is my ex’s sister, so she grew up hanging in this neighborhood,” Mickey sat down on a washed up tree stump and took out a joint he brought. “So, what have you been up to? I thought you were going to go to school this semester.”

“I was planning on it, but you know, then Frank died so it just didn’t happen,” Ian said, sitting down next to Mickey. Frank had finally succumbed to liver failure late that August. Like Mickey, Ian hadn’t been sure how to deal with the death of someone you had spent so long hating. He hadn’t, however, gotten wasted and showed up at Mickey’s door, so he figured Ian dealt with it better. 

They sat there watching the Hudson lap on the makeshift shore, smoking the joint in silence. “Hey, I have an idea,” Mickey said. He took out a penny, ran up the small hill and placed it on the train tracks. When he came back he explained, “I never got to do it as a kid.”

“Me either,” Ian replied. They stood there, waiting for the next train to come for a half hour, skipping stones and getting high. When the train finally passed overhead, Mickey ran back up to search for the penny. 

“It’s kind of fucked up,” Mickey said, handing it to Ian. The train had only smashed part of the coin, leaving part of its side intact.

“It’s perfect,” Ian said. “Mind if I keep it? To remember this?”

“Not at all,” Mickey said, looking at Ian. They held eye contact and for the first time in so long, Mickey was brought back to being 18 again. Fuck it being over, he thought. He wanted him, then and there; he wanted to kiss him and be fucked by him and he knew Ian wanted it to. All he had to do was take a step. 

“Where we headed next?” Ian said, finally breaking the moment. 

“Oh,” Mickey said, startled. “The View.”

“The View?”

“You’ll see.”

They drove for a good twenty minutes through the town, until they actually passed a sign saying they had reached the town limits. “How far is this place?” Ian asked just as Mickey turned off the main road and headed up a hill. At the top of the hill was another dead end with a few houses. Mickey parked his car and got out. “Where are we?”

“The View,” Mickey said. “Come on.”

He let Ian over to a little balcony like construction that looked out towards the horizon. There were fields, and Mickey could see the road, and the purple mountains. This view never failed to take his breath away.

“What is this place? Isn’t it someone’s property?”

“Yeah,” Mickey said, sitting on the bench and pointing to the sign behind them on. “’The View is Free; Sit and See’. This nice old couple own it and everyone just comes up here. Mostly to get high, but sometimes I just like to look.”

“It’s really beautiful. We didn’t see places like this Southside did we?”

“Nah,” Mickey said. “But the sights weren’t too bad.”

“Yeah, I guess not.”

“When do you head back to Chicago?”

“Tomorrow night. Figured I’d take the train back into the city tomorrow morning,” Ian said.

“Sounds good,” Mickey said. 

They sat in a mutual silence, watching the sun climb higher into the sky for twenty minutes before Ian broke it. “I have to tell you something.”

“What?” Mickey asked. He didn’t know what to expect. For someone who he used to know and read so well, for the past year Mickey found himself totally and utterly confused over everything Ian did. First, it was too late for them; then he is call him up and even visiting him. He thought he had felt something between them earlier, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

“Emerson got a job in San Francisco.”

“Shit man, that’s far,” Mickey said, lighting a cigarette. Then it hit him. Ian wouldn’t be telling him unless it had something to do with him. “You going with him?”

“I think so.”

“Oh,” Mickey said. His head started to hurt and all of a sudden he was angry. Angry at Ian too, but mostly angry at himself. He had lied to himself once again; after all this time he still wanted Ian to be his. He stood up. “Why the fuck did you even call me up Gallagher?”

“I wanted to see you,” Ian said.

“You can’t fucking do that. You can’t fucking want to see me and then move to fucking the capital of the Gay World.” Ian was silent. “It’s not fair. It’s not right.”

“I know,” Ian said. “I’m sorry Mickey.”

“Fuck you Ian,” Mickey said. He felt the familiar sting behind his eyes, but he blinked it away. Ian stood up and leaned against the railing looking over at the horizon. 

“I know it was selfish of me. But I needed to see you. I needed to tell you,” Ian said.

“Why? So I could finally tell you not to go? To say what I should have said six years ago?” Ian was silent again. “Well fuck that man. I told you how I felt. Remember? Right after my father died? Remember? You said it was too late. It’s not on me this time.”

He walked to the car, flicking his cigarette before getting in. Ian waited a few minutes before heading towards him. “If we could just stop at your apartment, I’ll grab my stuff and get a cab to the train station.”

“Whatever,” Mickey said. Ian shut his door and they drove in silence back to the apartment. The twenty minute drive gave Mickey some time to calm down and reassess the situation. His anger towards Ian died down, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of hatred towards himself. He should ask him not to go, but he wouldn’t. Maybe he hadn’t changed so much after all.

Mickey dropped Ian off at the ferry. It was as awkward as it had been the night before. 

“I’m sorry Mick.”

“Nothing to be sorry for Gallagher,” he said curtly. 

“I didn’t mean—”

“Drop it. You were right. This ended six years ago. It’s been too late for us the minute you stepped out of my house. I hope you’re happy,” Mickey said. And he meant it.

“You too,” Ian said. They stood there awkwardly as the ferry blew its whistle. “I should go.”

“Send me a postcard from San Fran,” Mickey said. 

“I’ll find the gayest one possible,” Ian said and Mickey smiled. 

“See ya around Gallagher.”

“See ya.”

Mickey drove home. As he pulled into the driveway, he saw a familiar figure sitting on the steps. Sam. Great, he thought. Just what I need. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked getting out of his car.

“I thought you were working in Jersey.”

“I thought you had class.” They stared at each other.

“I saw you. With that redhead.”

“It was nothing.”

“Was it him?”

“Who?”

“The kid you got shot for?” How did he know? Maybe it was like Allie had said a year earlier. You could just tell they had history.

“Yeah.”

“What was he doing here?”

“It doesn’t matter Sam,” Mickey said. “It really doesn’t.”

That night, as Sam once again stared at the scar on his thigh, Mickey couldn’t help but be thankful that he couldn’t see the scars the redhead had left on his heart.


	9. Spring Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March

“Ok, I’m just going to call her.”

“Why can’t we go in?”

“No. If we go in she is going to try and talk us into staying.”

“Well why can’t we stay for a beer? I’ve never been to a college party.”

“It’s not a college party. It’s a bunch of her high school friends hanging out in some kids basement.”

“But they’re in college.”

“Nah, most of them didn’t go.”

“Then we’ll fit right in.”

“Mandy.”

“Mickey.”

“Fine,” Mickey sighed and got out of the car, Mandy following. She was visiting for the week while Lip was in Boston checking MIT out since he had been accepted for the PhD program. Mickey tightened his coat around his body; the March air was crisp, no hint of spring.

The two of them had been heading out to the bar when Allie had called begging if he would drop off some weed for her.

“She has you wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she?” Mandy had asked when he had finally agreed.

“Fuck off.” But he knew it was true. He didn’t really mind; sometimes he felt like he was making amends for deserting Mandy when he left and finding a new family. 

Now, as he walked through the open garage door, Mandy trailing behind him, he looked around for her. Soon enough, he not only saw her, but heard her as she came pushing through the group of people, screeching, “Mandy!” She threw her arms around his sister, Mandy returning the hug with a smile. Allie just had that sort of effect on people.

“Hey Allie, how you been?” she asked, taking the beer Allie offered her.

“Oh you know. Dealing with this one’s drama,” she said nodding at Mickey.

“You got drama Mick?”

“Don’t listen to her,” he said. To Allie he added, “We’re not staying. Mandy just wanted to say hi.”

“Just one beer and a blunt. It’s on me.”

“Technically it’s on me,” He said, but she was already pulling Mandy back into the house. Mickey stood there alone in the garage full of strangers. The people were staring at him, taking him in from his boots to his tattoos to his scowl. Despite how happy he was with all the changes he had made, he still enjoyed the fact that he could still scare people. 

“Anyone want to buy some weed?” He asked. At least three people said yes automatically. He smiled. 

Fifteen minutes later he walked into the basement looking for his sister. He couldn’t see her; probably in the bedroom, he thought. He looked around at the poeple standing around the beer pong table. 

“Hey Mickey,” Rebecca said from the other side of the small room. Mickey nodded hello as she broke away from her friends and made her way over to him. 

“You seen Allie?”

“Upstairs.”

“Oh” Mickey felt awkward. He had known her for over a year now, but since she went away for school he didn’t see her often. And when he did, she was usually really quiet whenever he was around. Probably because she knew he fucked her brother. 

“So your sister is in town?”

“Yeah, just visiting while her, uh, boyfriend is in Boston.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah,” he bit his lip. “How’s your brother doing?”

“Moved to Miami, actually.”

“Oh wow. That’s fucking awesome.”

“Yeah. I went to visit over winter break. It was amazing.”

“So how’s school?”

“Shit. Writing my senior thesis sucks dick. But it is almost over.”

“You going to move back home?”

“Fuck no,” she said with a laugh. “I’m so happy I got out of this shitty town. There’s nothing for me here.”

He knew what she meant. He felt the same way about the Southside. For some, it had a way of eating at you and making you feel trapped. 

“Becca, come over here!” one of her friends called. 

“You’re being summoned.”

“They just want to know who you are. I promise I’ll talk you up,” she said with a smile. Mickey laughed. “Check the kitchen or the back porch.”

“Thanks,” he said and headed up the stairs. 

Of course, there they were, standing at the counter with a few of Allie’s guy friends that Mickey recognized doing shots of Jaeger. 

“Want one Mick?” Mandy asked with a smile.

“No fucking way,” he said. She knew he hadn’t been able to handle anything licorice flavored since he got wasted on Sambuca in the 8th grade. He had thrown up for hours. He made his way over to them and Mandy handed him a beer. “You ready?”

“Just drink it and we’ll smoke and then leave,” Mandy said with a little smile. “ok?”

“Fine.” As soon as the word came out of his mouth, the sliding door to the porch opened and Sam walked in. 

They hadn’t seen each other since Mickey had ended things. He stopped as soon as he saw him. Mickey, feeling his face begin to burn looked down at the unopened beer, willing him to just keep walking.

“Hey Mick.” Fuck. Mickey looked up and tried to smile. 

“Hey man,” he said casually. “how you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, and then looked at Allie, who was suddenly very interested in the pictures on the fridge and then at Mandy. “You must be Mandy. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Sam.”

“You can’t believe a word he says,” Mandy said with a laugh, before fully realizing who she was talking to. They never had officially met. “Nice to meet you.”

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” He said, waving and walking downstairs. Mickey let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Not too awkward.

“He’s cuter than you described.” Mickey glared at his sister. “he seems nice.”

“Yeah,” Mickey said. “Too nice to have anything to do with me.”

“Oh stop,” Allie said, back in the conversation. Mickey opened his beer and chugged it. Then he turned to Mandy. 

“Can we go now?”

“yes.”

 

Still distressed over running into Sam, Mickey decided not to go to the bar. Instead, they went to a diner the next town over; “it’s the only place that has good hash browns. Not those nasty breakfast potatoes” Mickey had explained.

“I’m gonna have two eggs over easy with bacon and hash browns. And an orange juice please,” Mandy said to the waitress, handing over her menu.

“Same, but with a beer,” Mickey said. Mandy made a face. “I need a fucking drink Mandy.”

“Understandable,” She said, opening her straw and putting it in her water. She looked down at her cup and up at Mickey three times before speaking. “So you never really told me what happened between you two.”

“maybe cause its none of your business?”

“It must be hard Mick. Keeping everything inside, not trusting other people to understand you,” Mandy said. “I’m your sister and I care about you. Just because I may call you a fucking idiot every once and awhile, I’m always on your side.”

“You’re nosey.”

“Very true,” Mandy said with a smile. “But it’s only because I love you.”

Mickey stared at his sister. Had they ever, in the 23 years she had been alive said I love you? Did the Milkovichs ever utter those words? They must have at one point. His mom must have said it. They were words that haunted him, unable to be spoken unless he was fall down drunk and 5 years too late. He sighed as the waitress brought over their drinks. 

“Food should be right out,” She said and Mickey smiled at her. 

He thought about it for a moment. Sam and him had lasted seven months and even though he had been the one to end things, he had been sad. He knew it was his fault, once again.

“Nothing really,” Mickey said. 

“Mickey.”

“He told me he loved me and I realized I didn’t love him. I didn’t want to lead him on,” Mickey said. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s not like with,” he stopped. No. “It’s different. I wasn’t too scared to tell him or whatever. It’s just that after seven months of dating I think I would have known if I loved him, and I didn’t. So I ended things because it wasn’t fair to him.”

“Oh,” Mandy said.

“yeah, so can we stop having this gay ass conversation now?” Mandy nodded and they sat in silence for a few minutes. Mandy started working on the word search provided on the paper place mats and Mickey stared out the window.

“So, have you talked to him?” Mandy asked suddenly.

“You were fucking there. You saw it,” Mickey said, taking a sip of his beer.

“Not him.”

“Christ Mandy,” he said. “Are you trying to piss me off or are you just always this fucking annoying?”

“I just asked a fucking question Mickey.”

“You live with him, don’t you already know the answer to that question?”

“I don’t ask him.”

“So why the fuck are you asking me? No I haven’t spoken to him.” Mickey said.

A month earlier when Mandy had called him to tell him that Ian and Emerson had broken up and Ian was moving back to Chicago to live with her and Lip he had thought about it. 

“Call him,” she had said.

“Why?”

“You’re a fucking moron Mickey. For the first time in six years you are both single at the same time? And I don’t give a fuck what you both say, neither of you have moved on. You can lie to each other and yourselves, but you can’t fucking lie to me. I see it. I can hear it in your Goddamn voice, in your silence. Just give him a fucking call before it’s too late.”

He had hung up and thought about it. Then he had remembered one of the last times they had talked, up at the view. He still truly believed that it wasn’t on him this time; he had told Ian how he had felt, and Ian had chosen Emerson. He had moved to fucking San Francisco with the guy so Mickey wasn’t going to chase him. Not this time. Not ever. It had been a mistake six years ago not to, but he wouldn’t feel guilty for it this time. It was already too late; had been for a while now. 

Now, sitting in the diner, Mandy was staring at him. Mickey looked down at his beer, avoiding her glare, but he could still feel her piercing eyes on him. “What?”

“Nothing. Just having flashbacks.”

“Fuck off and mind your own damn business for once. Do I get all up in your shit over Lip? No, because it’s none of my damn business,” he said getting up. He bumped the table as he got out of the booth, spilling his beer. He walked outside, the cold air biting his face as he lit a cigarette. 

He sat on the curb for five minutes before Mandy came out. “Just leave me alone,” he said. 

“Look, I didn’t mean to piss you off. All I’m saying is maybe there is a reason both of your relationships never seem to work out. You guys are still holding on to each other, and no other relationship will ever work until you settle whatever you two have.”

“Maybe you’re right but It was six years ago. Whatever I’m holding on to died the day he left for the army. We don’t even know each other anymore.”

“So get to know each other again.”

“This is why I don’t tell you shit. I give you something and you go running with it; always bringing it back to him. Always reminding me of him. I don’t need that,” Mickey said, flicking his cigarette into the parking lot.

“I just want you to be happy Mickey,” she said.

“I am.”

“Ok,” she said. “I won’t bring it up again. Now come back in, the foods here.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Well, come sit with me fuckhead. I’m not about to look like the loser fatass eating two meals alone.”

The rest of Mandy’s visit went smoothly; she kept her promise and they were able to just enjoy each other’s company. When Lip picked her up at the end of the week, Mickey was sad to see her go. He brought her bag down to the car, nodded to Lip and gave his sister a hug. 

“I’ll see you in May,” he said.

“What?”

“I didn’t tell you I was coming to Chicago in May?” Mandy hit him.

“No you fuckhead, you didn’t.”

“Oh yeah. AJ wants to take Gina for their two year anniversary. Think he’s going to propose or some shit,” he said lighting a cigarette.

“So why are you going?”

“Well, Allie talked her way in of course and they thought I would be a good tour guide.” 

“Yeah, if they want to know the best alley to sell coke in, or where to buy guns,” Lip said and the three of them laughed. 

“That’s what I told them, but Allie insisted.”

“You going to show them the Southside?”

“I’m going to try not to. I didn’t exactly leave on a good note last time, you know, coming out and everything,” Mickey said. He knew from Mandy that while his brother’s had been shocked to find out, and talked about it for weeks, they hadn’t actually threatened to murder him or anything. Maybe their sibling bond was stronger than he thought. “But you’re welcome to join is as we explore the wonderful city of Chicago.”

“I’ll call you when I get home,” Mandy said, giving her brother one last hug.

Mickey watched them pull out of the gravel driveway before heading back inside. He thought about the next time he would see her, two months from then, back on their shared ground, the city of his childhood. As much as he was dreading going back and told himself he would avoid Canaryville like the plague, he knew he would end up there. After so many years, he was still tethered to it, and whether it was the place or the people—person—he didn’t quite know.


	10. Home Again

“Ugh, my feet are killing me!” Allie said flopping down on the hotel bed. “Here, pull my boots off.”

“I told you not to wear these stupid cowboy boots,” Mickey said, grabbing the foot she was waving in front of him.

“I wanted to look cute,” she said as he pulled her boot off.

“Well you looked like a dumbass,” Mickey said, avoiding her foot as she kicked at him. They had spent the last six hours exploring Chicago. In the eighteen years he had lived there Mickey had never seen more than half of the stuff they had visited. He walked over to the window and looked out. The sun was just beginning to set; Mickey had to admit that the way the light reflected off the surrounding buildings was beautiful. It was weird to be home; even weirder since he had never considered this part of Chicago his home.

“Chicago is awesome. I mean, The City will always be the best, but I really like it here,” Allie said. Mickey laughed; Allie had spent the entire day comparing Chicago to Manhattan. “Maybe we can go to a Cubs game this weekend.”

“Fuck the Cubs. It’s all about the Sox,” Mickey said, lighting a cigarette, ignoring the “No Smoking” sign on the desk. “So what do you want to do tonight?”

“I don’t know. Where is a good place to go?” Allie asked. AJ and Gina had their own plans to go out to a super fancy restaurant. Although he hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, Mickey was convinced that AJ was going to propose to her. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that the girl whose name he was sure he wouldn’t have to remember had been the one to tame AJ. That left Allie and him to figure out their own plans.

“I told you before we came that I know next to nothing about this part of the city. Why don’t you look some shit up,” Mickey said, sitting down on the other bed. Allie sighed loudly, obviously annoyed at Mickey’s indifference. 

“How about we call Mandy?” Allie suggested. 

“I told you she was busy tonight,” Mickey said. He had talked to his sister the night before where she had filled him in on her plans for his visit. Apparently, she had plans to go to the Alibi to celebrate Carl’s sixteenth birthday. Mickey had laughed when she invited him and Allie to join them. Although he was resigned to the fact that he would most likely end up at the Alibi at some point that weekend, he most definitely had no plans to go while the entire Gallagher clan was there. 

“Fine. But I do want to see her sometime this weekend,” she said, flopping over onto her stomach. “Why don’t you order some room service while I do research?”

Two hours later, Mickey found himself waiting in line to get into some roof top bar at some fancy hotel, glaring at Allie. He couldn’t be mad; he had left it up to her to choose where to go, but this place could not be farther from his type of place. His phone beeped twice; he didn’t know what he was hoping for, but he still felt annoyed when he looked down to see it was only AJ saying they would meet them at the bar. He tried to ignore the thought had popped into his head with the sound out of his phone, but it was already too late.

They had been in Chicago since the night before, and although he didn’t really expect Ian to get in contact, part of him did. But it was his brother’s birthday, and of course, Mickey didn’t care either way.

Ever since Mandy’s visit he had not been able to get Ian out of his head. There had been other times like this; right after he ran away, after the first time they saw each other again, the last visit, but it was worse this time. Mandy’s words swirled in his head; they were both single. But he held fast to what he had said; they didn’t know each other anymore. Whatever feelings he had for him weren’t for present day Ian. He was in love with a memory, the idea of what could have been, what should have been. He had no desire to have his heart ripped out again, and if that meant being alone for the rest of his life because no other guy could live up to the memory, he was ok with it. That’s what he told himself, anyway. Every day since Mandy left he told himself this, and as they stood in line, he ignored Allie’s ramblings and told himself again.

Finally, after twenty minutes they entered the bar, completely packed, even though it was only ten. The music was blaring and there were strobe lights. “I need a fucking drink,” Mickey said, grabbing Allie’s arm and pulling her towards the bar.

“Look at all these cute guys Mick!” she exclaimed shoving her way to the front of the bar. He looked around; every single guy in the place looked like a total douchebag. He took the beer she handed him, said no to dancing, and within five minutes lost sight of her as she moved into the crowd of the dance floor. It was going to be a long night. 

AJ and Gina showed up an hour later, and just as Mickey suspected, she flashed her left hand in front of her face as soon as she saw him. “Congrats!” He said, trying to sound enthused as he gave them both a hug. He was happy for them, of course, but the idea that someone his age was getting married, when there wasn’t a pregnancy baffled him. Gina went to find Allie as Mickey followed AJ to the bar.

“I mean, we’ll probably have a long engagement, just so we can save up money and shit,” AJ was saying, although Mickey could barely hear him over the music. “But I was wondering if you would be my best man?”

“What?” Mickey said turning around, convinced he hadn’t heard AJ correctly. If he thought about it, he guessed he considered AJ one of his best friends. But considering the list of people he hung out with on a regular basis ended with AJ and Allie, he didn’t know if it counted. 

“Be my best man? What do you say?” Mickey felt conflicted. He hated weddings and knew he would have to give a speech and shit. Still, AJ had been there for him for the past six years.

“I would be honored,” Mickey said, jokingly bowing down to AJ. 

The next day, the four of them explored more of Chicago, hung over and exhausted. Around one, when they had stopped to get something to eat Mickey’s phone rang. 

“Hey Mick,” Mandy said when Mickey picked up. 

“Hey, how was the sweet 16 last night?” he joked. 

“Not too bad,” she said. “Except Carl got so wasted he threw up in the alley behind the Alibi.”

“Sounds like a good time,” he said, opening the door of the restaurant and stepping outside. He lit a cigarette.

“So, I’ve already gotten like fifteen texts from Allie swearing that she will kill me if I don’t see her while she’s here, so I was wondering if you guys wanted to head down here tonight,” Mandy said. Mickey inhaled. “It’s just I don’t exactly have a lot of extra money right now and Kev is always real good about giving discounts.”

“Yeah, that should be fine. They wanted to see the Southside anyway,” he said. He knew he couldn’t avoid it.

“And don’t worry,” she said. “I didn’t even tell him you would be in town.”

“Oh,” Mickey said. He didn’t know whether to be thankful or pissed. Ever since her visit she had stopped bringing him up, but he had been kind of hoping she would mention his visit to Ian. But at least it explained why Ian hadn’t tried to contact him. They talked a bit more, made plans and said goodbye.

He was distracted all throughout lunch thinking of going home. It had been over a year since his father’s funeral, would it have changed? Or would it still be exactly the same as it had been his entire life? 

“So this is your Rail?” Allie said as the cab pulled up in front of the Alibi. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Mickey said, thinking to the bar he had come to love back in New York. He got out of the car and took in the building where he had spent many nights playing pool and getting wasted. “Except, way more old drunks and shittier neighborhood.”

“Seems like a good time,” AJ said getting out of the cab with Gina following. 

“Well let’s do this,” Mickey said. He opened the door, the smell of cigarettes and stale beer hitting them as soon as they stepped inside. Kev, of course was behind the bar arguing with a customer. He saw Mandy at the end of the bar talking with Kevin’s wife and a dark haired girl Mickey just knew was Fiona, even though her back was towards him. He headed over to his sister, her eyes lighting up when she saw him. 

“Mick!” she said, jumping off the stool to give him a hug.

“Hey bitch,” he said. She had cut her hair since March; it was to her shoulders now and made her look older than her 23 years. 

“I love your hair!” Allie said hugging Mandy after him. Fiona turned around to look at Mickey, who found it hard to keep her gaze. He wasn’t sure how much she knew, but he was still slightly embarrassed from the last time he had seen her. Drunk and yelling for Ian hadn’t been his finest moment. 

“Hey Mickey,” Fiona said, eyeing him.

“Jeez Milkovich,” Veronica said looking him up and down. “You clean up well.”

“Yeah, aging has been good for my hygiene habits,” he said with a smile. He ordered four beers, made introductions and went to settle into a booth with his friends and his sister. The Alibi looked exactly as it had on his last visit, except for the absence of Frank Gallagher. Weird how the place seemed quieter without him. 

“So, how’s Lip?” Mickey asked after a few beers. He didn’t really care but he knew it was a move in the direction of the person he actually wanted to talk about for once in his life. AJ, Gina and Allie were playing pool. Mandy lit a cigarette, took a drag and exhaled before responding. 

“Oh you know,” she said. “The same.”

“Well that’s good,” he said. She was doing this on purpose and he could tell she was particularly pleased with herself. 

“We’re moving in July,” she said. Mickey joked on his beer. He knew Lip had accepted the spot at MIT but he had never really expected Mandy to go with him. He should have figured though; they had been together for half a decade.

“Finally escaping the Southside,” he said with a smile. “Good for you Mands.”

“I think I’m going to go to college out there too,” she said. “I’ve been saving up money.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Just seemed like the kind of conversation you have over the phone,” she said. “Plus, I know Lip’s not your favorite person, but things have been really good between us for the past year.”

“I’m happy for you,” Mickey said with a smile. He wasn’t lying, but he couldn’t help be a little jealous. 

“Mick, come play!” Allie called over from the pool table. “Milkovich vs Rossi.”

“Think we can take them?” Mickey asked Mandy. 

“I know it,” she said with a smile.

They were on their second game, their seventh round of beer and Mickey was about to shoot the last stripped ball into the far left pocket. 

“See Allie, it’s all about how you hold it,” Mickey said, shooting the ball in. He looked up to smile at her, but her gaze went beyond his. He looked to his sister who was also staring at the door. He felt his heart drop into his stomach. Even without words he knew what he would see if he turned around. Fuck. Allie caught his eye and tried to start talking, but he ignored her. He turned around. Same red hair, although longer, same stupid grin that made him hate how much he loved seeing. 

“Gallagher.”

“Mick.”


	11. The Beginning

Ian walked towards Mickey and stopped a foot away. They stared at each other as Mickey tried to hide his smile. Fucking Gallagher. “Want a beer?”

  
“Sure.” Without even acknowledging the rest of the group, they walked towards the bar. They didn’t speak until they were in a booth by the door.

  
“I didn’t know you were in Chicago,” Ian said, taking a sip.

  
“I didn’t tell you,” Mickey said, lighting a cigarette. Ian laughed.

  
“Obviously, but the question is why didn’t you?”

  
“We can play the “Why” game all night. I think we have about six years of unanswered “whys”,” Mickey said. They stared at each other.

  
“Well maybe it’s time to answer them.”

  
“What’s the point?”

  
“Well I think we both deserve some answers. Some final closure,” Ian said.

  
“I thought we got this closure bullshit done with already. Anyway, it doesn’t matter Gallagher,” Mickey said. Ian sighed and stretched his arms over his head. Even sitting down Mickey could see his t-shirt rise, showing a sliver of pale freckled skin.

  
“Fine,” Ian said. He took another sip of his beer, his eyes never leaving Mickey.Mickey didn’t care about they why’s of the past, but he did have one why he just couldn’t ignore.

“Why are you here?”

  
“Fiona called. Told me you were here,” Ian said. He should have known.

  
“So I guess Fiona knows.” Ian laughed and Mickey smiled.

  
“Yeah, had to explain to her why you showed up wasted last year. Came as a bit of a shock to her.”

  
“I’m sure it did,” Mickey said.

  
“I just needed to see you. To make it right. I’ve been meaning to call,” Ian said.

  
“You’ve been back for three months.”

  
“I was scared you wouldn’t pick up. I had this plan to just show up in New York next month, but I guess I don’t have to worry about that.” 

  
“Really?” He could just imagine coming home from work one day to find Ian sitting on the couch waiting for him. He liked the idea.

  
“Yeah. I was a fucking idiot. I realized that a long time ago, but I was too much of a bitch to say anything.”

  
“Yeah well you weren’t the only one,” Mickey said. “I could have sucked up my pride and called you.”

  
“No,” Ian said. “You were right. It was on me this time. So I’m here.”

  
“For closure,” Mickey said.

  
“Yeah,” Ian said. “Mandy told me what you said. About our feelings for each other six years ago. You were right. We don’t know each other anymore. So it’s time to end whatever we had and move forward.”

  
“Ok,” Mickey said. He didn’t know what to think. Here Ian was, telling him exactly what he had been telling himself for months, but it didn’t make the truth hurt any less.

  
“So it’s done and over. Our relationship was what it was, and we are different people now and can’t have that relationship anymore.”

  
“It’s done.” Mickey took a sip of his beer. They were quiet. Mickey didn’t know what was going through Ian’s head, but he was thinking back over whatever they had shared and trying to be ok with it being over forever.

  
“So, Mickey,” Ian said after a few minutes. “Tell me about yourself.”

  
“What?”

  
“I said we were going to move forward, and to do that, we have to know who we are now.”

  
“What the fuck are you talking about?”

  
“I haven’t been able to get you out of my head for the past eight years Mickey. There is a reason for that and in order to build a healthy relationship, we need to know each other now, and not as eighteen year olds. Come on, get with the picture.”

  
Mickey smiled. Ian was right. Mandy had been right. Everyone but him had been right. He had been holding onto seventeen year old Ian for far too long, and it was time to get to know the man he had become and see where it would lead them.

  
“You go first,” Mickey said.

  
“Ok,” Ian said. “Well, I have trouble sleeping…”

 

 

They talked well into the early morning, long after Allie, AJ and Gina had headed back to the hotel and Kev closed the bar. After leaving the Alibi they walked the streets of Chicago getting to know each other again. From the baseball fields where Mickey could almost pinpoint the exact moment he knew the redhead had stolen his heart to the abandoned buildings, he learned more about Ian than he had ever known.

  
As the sun came up, they made their way to the house Ian shared with Lip and Mandy. Mickey watched as Ian walked up the stairs, smiling as he held the door open for Mickey. Mickey went inside and could tell right away that it was his sister’s place; it was a mess. He stood in the middle of the living room, taking it in. Ian stood in the archway looking at him.

  
“You’re sister and my brother are the messiest people I have ever met,” he said with a laugh. Mickey nodded but didn’t say anything. They stared at each other.

 

 

Later on, Mickey couldn’t remember who had crossed the room first; all he knew was that they met in the middle, their lips crashing together. Undressing each other in the middle of the living room, as Mickey reached to take Ian’s shirt off he knocked a beer bottle off the table; they ignored the sound of breaking glass as they left a trail of clothes on the way to the bedroom.

  
They fell onto the bed, causing it to move a few inches from the wall. Feeling Ian on top of him, he knew that this is what had been missing in his life for so long.

 

 

Afterwards, lying naked tangled in Ian’ sheets, Ian’s head on his chest, Mickey smiled to himself. “What happened to taking things slow?”

  
“I never said anything about taking things slow. I said we had to get to know each other again. Never said we couldn’t still bang,” Ian said and Mickey laughed at his choice of words.

  
“I’ve missed this. Missed you,” Mickey said.

  
“I’ve missed you too. Look, I know I said we should forget the past, but I just need to say it was my fault Mickey. Everything was. Back then, not understanding what you had gone through, why you couldn’t say it. Leaving you like that. Coming back to you and messing with you again. It was me. I deserve the blame.”

  
“How about we don’t place blame anymore? We both fucked up, but it’s ok,” Mickey said.

  
“How is it ok?”

  
“We’re here aren’t we? We’re together. No more looking back.”

  
“Ok,” Ian said, kissing Mickey on the cheek, making him laugh.

 

 

They spent the day in bed, sleeping, talking and fucking; only leaving to get food from the fridge when Lip and Mandy went out. They slept together that night, holding each other close and tight, and Mickey fell asleep to the sounds of Ian’s snores.

  
The next morning Ian borrowed Fiona’s car to drive him back to the hotel and then to the airport. In the parking garage, after the others had gone in, they stood together smoking.

  
“So,” Mickey said, taking a drag. “Long distance is going to be a bitch. What’s going to happen? How are we going to do this?"

  
“I don’t know,” Ian said. “But we have time to figure it out right?”

  
“Yeah, I guess we do,” Mickey said.

  
“Call me when you get on the plane, and when you land, and when you get home,” Ian said.

  
“Ok, mom.”

  
“I just want to make sure you are ok,” Ian said with a grin.

  
“I will,” Mickey said. He stubbed out his cigarette before hugging Ian. He kissed him and held him again, taking in his scent.

  
“I love you Mickey,” Ian said.

  
“I love you too,” Mickey said. “Firecrotch.”

  
“Don’t forget to call me,” Ian said, rolling his eyes.

  
“I won’t,” Mickey said. He hugged him one last time, grabbed his bag and headed towards the airport. He turned around before losing sight of Ian to see him still standing there. He waved one last time before turning the corner. He was sad of course to be leaving Ian so soon after reconnecting, but it was a happy kind of sad. He didn’t know when they would see each other again, but he knew they would. He knew it wasn’t over; in fact, it was just beginning.


	12. Epilogue

“Can you get off your ass and come help us please?”

“Fuck off, the game just started.”

“This was your idea and now you aren’t even going to help?”

“You should have had the guys who dropped it off bring it in.”

“That would have been another hundred bucks and there are plenty of people here to move it. So hurry up.”

“Jesus Christ Gallagher, I’m coming,” Mickey said getting off the couch and following Ian outside to where AJ, Lip, and Fiona’s fiancé Ben were standing around an empty hot tub. “I think you guys could have handled this without me.”

“Where the fuck do you want this thing?” Lip asked, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

“In the back,” Mickey said.

Mickey had been right; it hadn’t been easy, especially in those first few months. The distance had been hard on them, and there were plenty of times when Mickey had been convinced it would never work. But they had lived through much worse and in the end he believed it actually made their relationship stronger. Through phone calls, texts and countless dirty skype sessions they had not only rebuilt their relationship, but let it grow.

After about six months they gave in and decided they couldn’t live apart any longer. Ian packed up his few belongings and moved to New York. Despite the pain at leaving his family, it had been Ian’s idea; Chicago was their past, and he didn’t want to look back anymore. They moved into a small one bedroom apartment not far from where Mickey had first lived when he first arrived in town. 

And although it was easier than being apart, they discovered that any relationship worth having was never easy. They fought all the time; constant arguments over what to have for dinner, or what to watch on TV, or whose turn it was to take the dog out. Ian left passive aggressive notes all over the apartment, reminding Mickey to flush the toilet or take out the garbage. They drove each other crazy and loved every minute of it. 

They were there for the small things, like when Mickey broke his arm slipping on the ice and Ian had waited on him and the bigger things like when their dog had been hit by a car and Ian had held Mickey, who couldn’t stop the tears from forming, even though he claimed to hate the damn thing. And when Ian had graduated with a teaching degree, Mickey had stood and clapped and yelled just as loud as the rest of the Gallaghers’. They didn’t have much in those first few years, but they had each other.

Now, four six later, as they carried the hot tub around to the back of the house that they had bought together in the town, Mickey smiled at Ian, who scowled before smiling back. 

Mickey was still convinced that the house was too big for just the two of them, but Ian had a way of talking him into things. He smiled as he remembered the last fight they had had before signing the papers. 

“There are two of us. There are only ever going to be two of us. Why do we need four bedrooms? And have you seen that bathroom? It’s bigger than my old house. Why the fuck do we need a separate shower and bath?”

“It’s called an en suite and I can think of plenty of things we can do in there,” Ian said raising his eyebrows. “Plus, four bedrooms is perfect! Two guest rooms, we do have big families, an office for me to grade papers and our room.”

“The house is like two hundred years old,” Mickey had said changing tactics and diverting his attention away from all the fun they could have in that bath. “It’s falling apart and we are going to waste so much money on it.”

“It is not falling apart. The owners just redid the entire downstairs.”

“Whatever, but come winter when our gas bill is through the roof because the heat escapes through the cracks I don’t want to hear any bitching.”

“I promise,” Ian had said with a smile. 

“And what about mowing the lawn? This is the biggest yard I have ever seen, and I ain’t going to be out here working my dick off all summer.”

“It’s only an acre,” Ian said with a smile. “And we’ll take turns.”

“Take turns my ass. You want this lawn, you mow it”

“Does that mean you are saying yes?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Mickey said, although he knew he had never truly had a say.

“You bitches couldn’t have helped?” Mickey grunted towards Fiona, Debbie an Mandy, as they lowered the tub onto the patio.

“I’m pregnant dickwad,” Mandy said motioning towards her stomach.

“And some of us have to make sure this house-warming party has some food,” Debbie said, grabbing a handful of chips.

“Always with the excuses,” Mickey said before lighting a cigarette and sitting down on the patio steps. He still had a hard time getting used to Mandy being pregnant. Of course he was shocked she had waited so long, but it still freaked him out. He had been worried that it would get Ian’s mind moving towards marriage and children, even though they had already decided to table them for now. Although they had promised to discuss it if one of them changed their mind, they didn’t need a piece of paper to define their love and Ian had been steadfast in his decision for no children. As Mickey took a long drag of his cigarette and watched Ian playing catch with Carl and Liam across the yard he smiled. Maybe they would change their minds in a few years. 

As the warm afternoon began to slip into the early summer night, Lip built a fire and the Gallagher clan, of which there was no more denying his part, sat around it, Ian found his way to Mickey’s side.

“Come on, Mick,” he said motioning towards the house. “ You know it was a good decision.”

“Yeah, I guess it was.” And looking around the yard, which still needed landscaping, and the back of the house, where the paint was peeling bit, Mickey knew that he was right. But, he knew in the end, that it didn’t matter where they lived; as long as he was with Ian, he was always home.


End file.
